Monica Bijoux Podcast: How A Military Therapists Uses PTSD Techniques to Get Business Clients Moving.
Podcast on Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monica-bijoux-what-military-therapist-can-teach-you/id1532299107?i=1000505749822https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/carrie-cardozo-from-running-6-businesses-to-being-business/id1532299107?i=1000504417674
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Steve Werner: What is going on everyone. Welcome to grow your income impact and influence. My name is Steve Warner. I am your host and today.
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Steve Werner: I am joined by the CEO of decide to move. She is also a licensed therapist in the military. So she deals with
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Steve Werner: The most difficult crazy cases in the world. She knows how to get results in the toughest circumstances for her clients Monica you, welcome to the show. I’m so excited to have you here.
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Monica M Bijoux: Oh my gosh, thank you so much, Steve. And thank you for saying my name correctly because you know people mess up anything that’s French they add all kinds of extra letters to it.
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Steve Werner: Tell us where you’re from, because I think this is the coolest place in the world.
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Monica M Bijoux: Yes, I’m originally from New Orleans his last name BS you we means Jewel. So, those that are listening that’s never had a French lesson. You just got your first
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Steve Werner: There you go. Look at that.
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Steve Werner: Starting the show off with some knowledge. Well, I gotta take us back to beginning because right now your business, your decided to move business and you have a podcast by the same name that is taking off like crazy.
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Steve Werner: It wasn’t always like that. Like, how did you get started doing that. And what were some of the things that got you to where you are today. Take us back to the beginning.
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Monica M Bijoux: Oh, yeah. So my beginning will actually have to be like like young, young days. Honestly, and
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Monica M Bijoux: You know, I’m like most of us we that everybody was born with, you know, spoons in our mouth like silver spoon in their mouth and they said, I was actually born
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Monica M Bijoux: You know where I had a lot of a physical, emotional, as well as sexual abuse.
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Monica M Bijoux: And I made it. I just from a young age had made it a point of saying, I want to be able to help other people never have to go through the same things I did like I understood that the things that I had went through were
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Monica M Bijoux: Pretty much like generational stuff, like you know my mother’s mother was abusive and her mother, you know, I left her with the family because her my grandmother, my mother’s side is
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Monica M Bijoux: Have Senegal and have Creole so her mother was like a princess or whatever from single eat from Senegal.
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Monica M Bijoux: And when she got pregnant by a cruel because she went to do University. She left my grandmother with a family.
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Monica M Bijoux: And basically, who were very abusive. So you’re talking about generations of abuse and people not really knowing how to break that cycle. Well, I was determined to be the one
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Monica M Bijoux: To break that cycle. Unfortunately, at the age of 15 my mother, put me out because of some stuff that she has her own stuff.
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Monica M Bijoux: And I end. I was in Missouri. At this time, because we moved around a lot. I say, by the time that I was 15 I moved around like 20 times
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Monica M Bijoux: So when she put me out my father sent for me. I went back to New Orleans and
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Monica M Bijoux: My father put me in a college preparatory school. So at that point, I got to be around like minded people.
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Monica M Bijoux: And people who understood, like, you know, can be sporty and like jocks and also be really smart like nerds, whatever you call it.
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Monica M Bijoux: And I balance, both because I always played sports and I always you know did really well in school. And so I just from that point was able to really figure out who I was as a person.
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Monica M Bijoux: And what I wanted to do. And I always like I said wanted to really help people grow. And so I always said I wanted to be a therapist or counselor.
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Monica M Bijoux: And then once I got into that. I was like, you know, I see a lot of business owners that are struggling and how that came about by me being in the military. There was a lot of my
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Monica M Bijoux: fellow veterans that were retiring and when they were going into the. We call it the civilian world. A lot of them were really having a hard time. They didn’t know where to get started.
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Monica M Bijoux: They, you know, had this ambition, but they were scared because you’re talking about 20 something years of being in one place, most of them started at the age of 18 and had no experience.
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Monica M Bijoux: Of what life was outside of the comfort of the military and so I would always help. I started doing, you know, got certified as a life coach before I even got fully licensed as a therapist.
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Monica M Bijoux: And then I just started finding myself incorporating both of them of helping because as a coach you know you have that little middle piece, the piece that covers therapy and coaching. And then you have the
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Monica M Bijoux: outer layers. Well, for me, I’m able to help with both because not every person that comes to see a therapist needs to continue to see a therapist and now need to start seeing maybe a coach.
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Monica M Bijoux: Or they come to you for something that doesn’t really need therapy. They just need coaching along the way. So I’m able to help with both and then as I started seeing it more and more.
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Monica M Bijoux: Asking getting asked more and more questions. I made it a point of saying, you know what I’m going to actually end up
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Monica M Bijoux: Starting my company decided to move, which is a whole nother story all within the self, how that name came about.
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Monica M Bijoux: And and the rest has been history because I actually helped it entrepreneur who was struggling and I was seeing how he was just all over the place.
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Monica M Bijoux: And I just wanted to provide some strategies with him and he ended up going from making like $100 once a week. And here they are little money here and there to making six figures in like six months and so
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Monica M Bijoux: I was like, okay, so I started applying those strategies which is each letter and decide to move isn’t a strategy and I started applying it to my life and then just everything that I did. And the people around me and I saw the success that it had. And I was like,
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Monica M Bijoux: Okay, so when it was time for me to start my business. I had to stick with the name
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Steve Werner: And we just covered 30 years in 30 seconds. I love it.
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Monica M Bijoux: Good about that right
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Steve Werner: So I want to go back. I want to unpack a couple things that I heard in there. So the first thing is I would love your take on so you grew up, you moved a whole bunch
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Steve Werner: And that actually instilled in you.
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Steve Werner: This drive to help other people when you when your mom put you out and you moved with your dad. What kind of reality shift. Did you have. Were you going to public school in
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Steve Werner: Like moving around and then you ended up going to a private school and you live with your dad. So you got to see a completely different side.
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Monica M Bijoux: Well, the school in New Orleans was still it was it was a college preparatory school
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Monica M Bijoux: So you had to take a test to get it is still with considered public however you had to get tested. Just to even be able to enter into the school. And so based on my scores. They didn’t even make me take a test. I was like,
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Monica M Bijoux: You know, okay, just started so honestly you know so weird when you asked about the shift.
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Monica M Bijoux: I remember when my mother, put me out and she made a comment like she was telling me where not to go like, don’t go to this person’s house.
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Monica M Bijoux: And I remember looking up the stairs and looking at her. And at that moment, it was like, something came over me and I was like,
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Monica M Bijoux: Lady, you just put me out. You cannot tell me what to do from this point forward, and it was just like, we’re like this huge
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Monica M Bijoux: Sense of like a like ownership and authority. And so it was kind of like, for me, the end of abuse but the beginning of a new me
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Monica M Bijoux: Without me even really understanding what was happening in that moment, but I felt this huge sense of empowerment
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Monica M Bijoux: In that moment, so you know when people look at tragedies and they you know here and they go, oh my god, that was so horrible for me. I’m actually thankful
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Monica M Bijoux: For all the trials, tribulations and everything because I wouldn’t be the person I am right now, today, if it wasn’t for the things that I had went through, honestly.
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Steve Werner: Well, that’s my hat is off to you because I think that is we were all given a choice, right, bad things happen to everybody. You’re given a choice into how you react to it and even at that young age.
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Steve Werner: You didn’t take a victim mentality set you just and you also didn’t take an anger said, I mean, maybe you did. I don’t. You don’t seem like you’re angry, you’re just like, cool. I’m on my own. This is what I’m doing.
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Steve Werner: And that’s where that sense of empowerment comes from right we get to grab that and move forward with it.
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Steve Werner: So you refuse to take the victim mentality and you move forward in your own power. And I think that
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Steve Werner: Anybody who has ever been a victim, anyone who has ever had something happened to them that chooses instead to take it as a point of this is me. I’m taking the responsibility. They’re the ones who are successful in life. I feel like so, you learned that at a very, very young age.
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Monica M Bijoux: Yeah, I think, you know, honestly, I think that with everything happening. I always felt like I was looking at my life.
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Monica M Bijoux: Through glasses like it was happening to someone else. And I’m here. This is like this, you know, looking at it from a like up above, while it’s happening.
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Monica M Bijoux: And it just always just felt weird like this can’t be true. This can’t be my life. This is not really happening.
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Monica M Bijoux: And then I also understood that my mother was a victim of her own circumstances like she’s a product of her environment.
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Monica M Bijoux: And that’s one of the things that I always say with my, you know, as my slogan, not really a slogan, but a reality that you can be a product of your environment or the fruit of your labor. You decide. And I would say decide to move because
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Monica M Bijoux: Oftentimes we. It is a decision like a decision of am I going to allow myself to be victim and be upset and be angry or I need to go into action mode.
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Monica M Bijoux: Of figuring out where am I going to go, what am I going to do, how is this going to happen. So I think I was so busy into being in
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Monica M Bijoux: Going like making smart decisions, then looking at her and you said, oh my gosh. Woman You’re so mean you’re so evil.
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Monica M Bijoux: But when you talk about being angry. Honestly, I have to like actually add this part, because I know that you know I don’t want people that’s listening, saying, Oh my gosh, she’s just, you know, how can she never be upset.
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Monica M Bijoux: It wasn’t until I in 2015 when my mother had a massive heart attack and I end up having to I was in Germany.
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Monica M Bijoux: And I had to take leave and go down to where she’s living and take care of her. And I was there for like five weeks.
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Monica M Bijoux: But during the time we were there she was seeing a therapist and she asked me to go with her. And I did not realize
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Monica M Bijoux: It’s like, you know, somebody asked you a question, like they poke you know poke the little
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Monica M Bijoux: Thing in a bloom bursts are like you have that drip of water that one drip opens up this damn
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Monica M Bijoux: Well, that’s how I felt like you know that one little drip that I can’t even remember what the therapist asked me, but I remember looking at my mother.
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Monica M Bijoux: And just saying, you know, I resent you I resent you for the fact that you were not there for me when I needed you.
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Monica M Bijoux: When I need to you to be a mother for me. You were not there. And now here I am having to be the caregiver.
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Monica M Bijoux: And for that end up being such a relief in a free moment. And I think that’s happens to a lot of us that when we don’t give our selves, to be honest with ourselves. You can be resentful.
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Monica M Bijoux: And be upset about a situation, but it doesn’t mean that you have to be evil with it. And so when I just told her honestly how I felt. And how I
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Monica M Bijoux: Just really felt slighted that fact that you you know just weren’t there and so
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Monica M Bijoux: There’s times like where she would like, make sure you pack and do this. And I’m like, lady. I mean, that’s what I will call my mom, she get upset color lady. I’m like, I’m in the freakin military like I know how to pack you know my stuff and then she’s like
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Monica M Bijoux: Just let me be a mother and I was. And then that moment I was just like, Okay.
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Monica M Bijoux: You know, you have to be. That’s your her and your pain and stuff that you have to make up for
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Monica M Bijoux: And so I can just give you space to do whatever you feel like you need to do, because you’re not attempting to hurt me you’re not
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Monica M Bijoux: Doing anything to be resentful at this moment, and you’re dealing with your own hurt and pain. So when she just said that like
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Monica M Bijoux: Can you just let me be a mother. He would go out with him. I’m not gonna date myself, but it is up there. I’m in my 40s. I was just like, Okay, fine. So when she says pack the pack that I’m just like, Okay.
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Steve Werner: Well that’s, I mean, you bring up a really good point. You actually mentioned it earlier and I was going to touch on it.
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Steve Werner: But you got to be forming you brought back up. When people do things. It has very little to do with us 99% of the time and
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Steve Werner: We shouldn’t take ownership of that like this associating ourselves and say, you know what
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Steve Werner: They’re doing that because of something that happened to them. They’re doing that because of the way they were raised their internal structure. What they do is having nothing to do with me.
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Steve Werner: Suddenly we stopped taking things personally and we can step back and have a much healthier relationship to it. I feel like we’re talking about some therapy stuff.
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Steve Werner: Honestly, I think you learn this at a young age. So then you go to college.
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Steve Werner: You go and you start. Tell me, take me from going to school going to college prep school with honestly amazing grades you tested very well to get in. How did you go through them becoming a therapist in the military because that seems like a a big jump.
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Monica M Bijoux: There is a big don’t feel there’s more stuff that happened in between there. So, of course, you know, I didn’t understand anything about love. I didn’t understand anything about relationships or anything else like that and
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Monica M Bijoux: Without you know without going into too far into the backstory, I end up being introduced to this guy and he took advantage of me, I end up getting pregnant at 16 and had my daughter at 17
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Monica M Bijoux: By the by that time. My mother was feeling super guilty of which, you know, putting me out. So she made me return back to where she was living
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Monica M Bijoux: When I was 17. And so, like, six weeks later, after getting there. I actually gave birth to my daughter, but she never knew I was pregnant, and so when she found out that I was, and this is not to bash my mom. But this is just truth and reality, you know,
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Monica M Bijoux: She literally called me every name in the book and put me down. I was, you know, always had been told I was stupid dumb ugly. You wouldn’t amount to anything and
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Monica M Bijoux: You know, I often thought, even though I’ve got good grades. I never really felt like I was the stuff I never got to the point of feeling like I was
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Monica M Bijoux: You know, like I was going to be great and make it even though I had this little Inkling inside of me that there was more to me than what was shown or told to me. So she made me go back at 1718 I moved out and I hadn’t went back and so that’s why from 18 to
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Monica M Bijoux: Home was I like so 43 or something like that. I literally had this huge piece of not wanting to like I never like really
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Monica M Bijoux: I wasn’t close to my mother. I didn’t understand her. She didn’t understand me, the whole bit
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Monica M Bijoux: well understood her because, you know, I was a therapist and understood what was I seen. But even before being a therapist, but she never really understood me and she often would attempt to make comments based on how it was when I was 12 and 13 I’m like you don’t even know me.
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Monica M Bijoux: So the jump in between there after I had my daughter. I was determined that
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Monica M Bijoux: You know, I was wanted to prove to my daughter that your life circumstances doesn’t have to dictate who you become you make that decision.
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Monica M Bijoux: So, you know, I have to often ask people, when you hear about a 70 year old have a child out of wedlock.
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Monica M Bijoux: What do they become what happens to them and majority of my life even I’ll ask my clients that when they’re telling me what was me, they’ll say, Oh, they’re using on some type of state assistance.
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Monica M Bijoux: They’ll never amount to anything. They’ll have a lot of kids and different things like that. And I say to them, You know, you’re absolutely right.
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Monica M Bijoux: But instead, she’s sitting in front of you as not only your therapist, but she’s got three masters working on her doctorate. She’s a best seller now author
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Monica M Bijoux: She, you know, and I just go through the whole bit and I say this will stop letting people tell you what you’re going to become you make that happen. So
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Monica M Bijoux: What got me into the military, I was working for hospitals, working with patients came in critical and who died, working with their families.
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Monica M Bijoux: I went back to school got my my bachelor’s in one got back to back, master, so two masters. And then when right
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Monica M Bijoux: I kept getting this really huge premonition because I’m a very spiritual person that I’m supposed to be going into help being a therapist helping people and out, you know, like, okay.
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Monica M Bijoux: And it was like going into the military. I was like, oh no, the Lord, and I had some serious conversation and I did everything in my power not to go
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Monica M Bijoux: And finally, when I turned 35. I was like, Okay, fine. So I’m called recruiter, because I think the limit of 35, you know, me being smarter lucky, but at the same time trying to be obedient. So I called the recruiter, and he’s like, oh no, as they’re busy working medical it’s 42 and I was like,
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Monica M Bijoux: I remember that moment. So I went ahead and that’s when I went ahead and finished and go, and this was all before I even got my my actual second master’s my
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Monica M Bijoux: Therapy math license. And so I went ahead and went and little and got picked up and got commissioned in the military, and then it’s been a part of my life since then so
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Monica M Bijoux: You talked about a life of a journey. It has been a journey. I’m almost 50. Most people think I’m younger than that. Um, so yeah.
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Steve Werner: So that’s you got great energy
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Monica M Bijoux: Thanks.
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Monica M Bijoux: You know things hold me down.
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Steve Werner: You definitely do. So I want to go, then you’re in the military, your therapist, we kind of talked how you became
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Steve Werner: A coach and helping people. What I’d like you to enunciate a little bit more is the difference between a therapist and a coach my sisters or therapist right they they take care of people.
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Steve Werner: I feel like the difference. I’ve always tried to talk to them about because I think she would make a great coach and I think she might be a little bit more fulfilled.
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Steve Werner: If she listened to this. I’m sure I’ll get an earful but I would love to hear you tell us the difference between a therapist and a coach and how you integrate the two
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Monica M Bijoux: Yes, so just real quick and simple and easy without going too deep into it as a therapist. We actually diagnose people people we actually, you know,
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Monica M Bijoux: Walk a person through things like I’ll start where a person started
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Monica M Bijoux: You know, from limiting but like and actually this is where the mixture is because as a coach you can work on limiting beliefs and different things like that.
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Monica M Bijoux: You think about like a basketball coach to show you to play. And now you got to execute well as a therapist, they actually do a little bit a lot more. It can, you know, they can work with you for a long, long, long time.
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Monica M Bijoux: I work with trauma clients. And so a lot of times my clients that are you know how gone through anything traumatic and that’s whether its comeback sexual abuse.
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Monica M Bijoux: military sexual trauma, just a lot of different things. I literally make sure that I start where my client is right, and that’s actually both coaching and therapy therapy. You’re going a lot deeper
00:18:17.670 –> 00:18:32.760
Monica M Bijoux: And it’s a lot more intensive as I would say when I do coaching to me. I can have a full therapy day and then come home and do coaching because I’m not like I find out where you are. Give you some strategies and then you go do your thing like
00:18:33.960 –> 00:18:41.970
Steve Werner: I mean, I get what you’re what I hear you saying is, as a coach. It’s more just giving them the strategy, listening to people.
00:18:42.420 –> 00:18:58.200
Steve Werner: And helping them a little bit with their limiting belief, whereas therapy, you’re doing a lot deeper work you’re dealing with people who have trauma and you’re specifically diving deep into that trauma to heal it. It’s not about it’s more about healing then opposed to
00:18:58.470 –> 00:18:59.280
00:19:00.780 –> 00:19:07.830
Monica M Bijoux: Clients strategies, right, that comes later. And that’s why I said sometimes you’re there because become where they just are not
00:19:08.220 –> 00:19:22.470
Monica M Bijoux: Ready for coaching they’ve taken all the treatment model like and we’re using evidence based treatment modalities stuff that is like, you know, can be pretty intensive it you know there’s tears happening now you have business owners, that’d be crying too. I mean, you know, because
00:19:23.430 –> 00:19:23.880
Monica M Bijoux: I’m gonna
00:19:24.600 –> 00:19:35.670
Monica M Bijoux: Be making way more than I am. But they’re crying from a different place, but where I find the bridge is the fact that when you don’t resolve some of the stuff that you have gone through, like say for instance if I was not
00:19:36.810 –> 00:19:51.660
Monica M Bijoux: Quite healed from my trauma or things that I happen in oozes out in the way that you treat people you’re always miss trusting you’re resentful you’re, you know, attacking people you’re coming off from a very different place.
00:19:51.960 –> 00:19:56.970
Monica M Bijoux: When you are working with. So when I’m working with a client, like a coaching client.
00:19:57.720 –> 00:20:05.010
Monica M Bijoux: I won’t, I won’t do therapy with them. Like, literally, if I find that they’re not even at a place where they’re really actually even ready for coaching.
00:20:05.460 –> 00:20:18.810
Monica M Bijoux: And they got a lot of unresolved stuff that’s just coming out. I will recommend that they follow up with actually finding themselves someone that’s can help them with whatever I sees going on and I without saying you need to go see a therapist.
00:20:20.160 –> 00:20:29.610
Monica M Bijoux: Because of the fact that they’re not coachable like at that point, they’re not coachable they’ve got too many. I’ll give you a prime example I had one time a person called me for
00:20:30.540 –> 00:20:38.250
Monica M Bijoux: A consultation and she’s not, you know, an author and so she wanted to, you know, find out about coaching because understanding as an author.
00:20:38.520 –> 00:20:45.510
Monica M Bijoux: You’re, you’re being an author is a business and some people don’t understand that it really is a business. And so she was, you know, said to me.
00:20:45.750 –> 00:20:55.140
Monica M Bijoux: She was ready for a coach. However, once she got on the phone. She literally started going to this back story of how she was hard, and was in a car accident and this happened and
00:20:55.380 –> 00:21:02.850
Monica M Bijoux: She had to go through all that that means that you’re not ready for coach, because I don’t need to know all that in order for me to start helping you with your strategies.
00:21:03.150 –> 00:21:14.190
Monica M Bijoux: Like you literally feel like you, like, is this a coaching set and I had to stop when I go, I know that I’m a therapist, but I never advertised that on my website because for decide to move, we do not do therapy.
00:21:14.520 –> 00:21:27.930
Monica M Bijoux: So I just want to understand what did you want us to be working on. Well, I feel like I need to tell you this backstory, so that way you can understand where I am. But then that means that you need to go talk to a therapist because not being funny and not being rude, but
00:21:28.380 –> 00:21:28.740
Steve Werner: That’s
00:21:28.770 –> 00:21:39.930
Monica M Bijoux: Not this type of call. And so you can see for me. I can easily pick up and tell when somebody’s ready. Like, I don’t know. Have you have seen that, because you have psychology background as well.
00:21:40.380 –> 00:21:43.920
Monica M Bijoux: I do so. Have you seen where someone calls you and you’re like,
00:21:44.280 –> 00:21:44.820
Steve Werner: Well, that’s
00:21:45.780 –> 00:21:56.130
Steve Werner: Sadly, I don’t know if it sadly I in the entrepreneur world there are people who come up and they are 100% in victim mentality that’s
00:21:56.250 –> 00:21:57.150
Monica M Bijoux: That’s what I call it. I
00:21:57.630 –> 00:22:03.870
Steve Werner: See it, they’re like, oh, such and such doesn’t work. I’ve tried. Usually, the thing that that’s difficult is
00:22:04.710 –> 00:22:14.100
Steve Werner: When I when I left my corporate job in 2014 in order to become successful. I tried a lot of programs. I did a lot of things I consumed a lot of information.
00:22:14.580 –> 00:22:26.400
Steve Werner: The difference. I feel is I. There were a couple programs that I tried that I got frustrated with because they didn’t get the result that was promised, but I took that responsibility on myself to go find something new.
00:22:27.120 –> 00:22:36.390
Steve Werner: The people who come to me and they say, you know, I tried XYZ and it didn’t work and I hate it. And they go off on a tangent. I know, right, then you’re in a victim mentality.
00:22:36.780 –> 00:22:44.670
Steve Werner: You, you didn’t take any positivity out of that and chances are that you’re more looking for a reason to fail than a reason to be successful.
00:22:44.880 –> 00:22:51.810
Steve Werner: Yeah, exactly. And the minute I hear that I what I do. I try to give them some resources. I’ll point out a book, they should read
00:22:52.170 –> 00:22:54.600
Steve Werner: I’m usually recommend a Tony Robbins program.
00:22:54.990 –> 00:23:00.750
Steve Werner: On that I don’t tell them that they need help, because somebody who needs help doesn’t want to hear that they need help.
00:23:01.260 –> 00:23:06.120
Monica M Bijoux: I don’t tell me there. I give them saying, like you say resources without the thing you need a therapist.
00:23:07.980 –> 00:23:14.010
Steve Werner: That’s, I mean, the biggest thing I look for, though, is the victim mentality, by far, because that’s the thing. I feel like
00:23:14.190 –> 00:23:21.840
Steve Werner: Whether you’re an entrepreneur or whether you’re in the corporate world whatever you’re doing in your life success comes down to meet two things.
00:23:22.140 –> 00:23:35.640
Steve Werner: And then they’re kind of the same one is always taking responsibility and having a positive attitude or a proactive attitude, whatever the opposite of victim mentality is right in NLP, it’s called being at cause or being at effect.
00:23:35.850 –> 00:23:46.020
Steve Werner: Yeah, right on. That’s the first thing. And the second thing is taking action and moving forward, not letting yourself be fearful future pacing yourself instead of looking behind you.
00:23:46.410 –> 00:23:51.990
Steve Werner: You’re going to go through failure, the failures and over here and successes and over here. They’re like this.
00:23:52.230 –> 00:23:55.950
Steve Werner: You have to go through failure to find success. That’s, that’s part of the journey.
00:23:56.640 –> 00:24:01.680
Steve Werner: And you have to embrace your fear and move for it move through it encourage
00:24:02.340 –> 00:24:12.870
Steve Werner: Those are the two things that I feel make the biggest thing. The biggest forward momentum. The biggest difference in whether you’re successful in life or not. Um, but this show is not about me. It is about you, Monica.
00:24:13.680 –> 00:24:14.700
Steve Werner: I want to hear.
00:24:16.680 –> 00:24:19.530
Steve Werner: Which one do you like more therapy or coaching.
00:24:20.160 –> 00:24:21.000
Monica M Bijoux: I like them both.
00:24:21.480 –> 00:24:22.800
Steve Werner: Oh, no, no, no.
00:24:24.390 –> 00:24:24.960
Monica M Bijoux: Why
00:24:25.470 –> 00:24:32.730
Monica M Bijoux: Because I absolutely love working with trauma clients because I love you know when when someone comes into my office.
00:24:33.390 –> 00:24:39.690
Monica M Bijoux: One way where they feel like there’s no hope they’ve given up. They can’t sleep. They’re having nightmares and they’re plagued by
00:24:39.960 –> 00:24:49.050
Monica M Bijoux: Something that is, you know, they feel like there’s no way to move forward and they don’t see anything they’re not there. It’s hard for them to see future oriented because they like
00:24:49.770 –> 00:24:58.830
Monica M Bijoux: I’ll give you one example I have a client that had been having PTSD for 20 years and he’s seen multiple therapists, I get the hardest of the hard and
00:24:59.340 –> 00:25:03.990
Monica M Bijoux: He so when he started seeing me. I literally was trained. He was transferred to me from another
00:25:04.350 –> 00:25:11.850
Monica M Bijoux: Therapist and so he literally was at a point where he’s thinking, you know, I’m just gonna go to therapy. I mean, it’s not gonna help, but at least some
00:25:12.390 –> 00:25:14.490
Monica M Bijoux: Saying that I’m going and I’m talking to someone
00:25:14.970 –> 00:25:21.930
Monica M Bijoux: And then as we’re working to get he’s like you’re different. Like, and he actually had that where we were working on the treatment modalities like I’ve already done this before.
00:25:22.080 –> 00:25:26.700
Monica M Bijoux: But you know what, for some reason I feel like you’re going to be different. So I’m just going to do it your way.
00:25:27.060 –> 00:25:34.350
Monica M Bijoux: And so we started working. He was like, No, this is different, like, I mean, I understand it’s got the same name, but the way you break things down. It’s so different.
00:25:35.010 –> 00:25:39.450
Monica M Bijoux: But seeing the person that breaks free from that brings me so much joy.
00:25:39.870 –> 00:25:48.540
Monica M Bijoux: And then when I’m working with a coaching client for their business and they come to me and they’re like so confused. They don’t know where to start. They like got, you know, these different
00:25:48.960 –> 00:25:52.800
Monica M Bijoux: strategies that are all over the place, but they’re not based on who they are.
00:25:53.040 –> 00:26:04.890
Monica M Bijoux: And it doesn’t resonate with them, which is what I do I focus on where they are and give them the strategies. The actions plans based on them because you’re not going to do something that doesn’t resonate with you and it doesn’t it.
00:26:05.250 –> 00:26:16.560
Monica M Bijoux: Goes against who your values and then seeing them be successful. Those kind of things is making me happy. So I don’t know. I mean, it’s really hard to say they are on totally two different spectrum.
00:26:17.100 –> 00:26:20.520
Steve Werner: You like seeing you like seeing the success, whether it is
00:26:20.910 –> 00:26:25.740
Steve Werner: Coaching or therapy. So I want to move towards the coaching because
00:26:26.250 –> 00:26:37.560
Steve Werner: The show is for entrepreneurs and people making a difference in the world. So talk to me about when somebody comes in, you said that you take them through a decide to move system.
00:26:38.040 –> 00:26:50.970
Steve Werner: Talk to me about what that looks like and how do you, how do you evaluate somebody that just comes in. If they’re not in a victim mentality, if there’s somebody that would be your dream client. How do you start working with them and how do you get them moving forward.
00:26:51.240 –> 00:26:58.350
Monica M Bijoux: So there’s this little exercise that I do that literally breaks down so much for me without me even having to ask them a question.
00:26:58.890 –> 00:27:05.430
Monica M Bijoux: Because I am also certified as a hypnotherapist there’s a little exercise that we do without actually having a person go through
00:27:06.090 –> 00:27:15.270
Monica M Bijoux: Like actually being hip, you know, hypnotize or anything, but it’s basically I have a look at their mindset around money success their boundaries.
00:27:15.780 –> 00:27:21.510
Monica M Bijoux: How they show up in the world, how they view themselves and what’s their how far do they feel like they’re able to go
00:27:21.720 –> 00:27:29.010
Monica M Bijoux: And this little simple exercise. It takes about five to seven minutes that I do. It’s called the road. I call it the road. The journey to self discovery.
00:27:29.250 –> 00:27:36.720
Monica M Bijoux: And once I do that. And then I interpret for them. They’re like, oh my gosh. Like I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that I’m struggling with it.
00:27:37.050 –> 00:27:42.180
Monica M Bijoux: And so once we do that, then I actually know without them even having to go through this huge questionnaire.
00:27:42.390 –> 00:27:49.800
Monica M Bijoux: A really what happens because with, you know, NLP and also like with hip know you’re going to the person’s subconscious. This is a part that does not lie.
00:27:50.010 –> 00:27:56.340
Monica M Bijoux: So they can actually tell me that they want to be an entrepreneur, that’s making six seven figures, but they don’t really believe it.
00:27:56.580 –> 00:28:05.130
Monica M Bijoux: You know, they’re not going to actually say that, why do I want to make six figures, but I don’t believe it. They’re not going to automatically say that or I want to be successful, but I don’t believe him so
00:28:05.580 –> 00:28:08.040
Monica M Bijoux: I don’t have a client that may come to me and they
00:28:08.400 –> 00:28:21.840
Monica M Bijoux: You know, will say, I believe that, you know, I’m going to make six figures, but I just don’t know how. And I’m really struggling. I feel like, you know, always was raised, where money was after we interpreted bill can go into details that money is, you know,
00:28:22.830 –> 00:28:26.970
Monica M Bijoux: Like they have little nuances of things that was told to them about money.
00:28:27.450 –> 00:28:36.780
Monica M Bijoux: And you know it end up like money makes you know is evil or money makes you you know do crazy things. And so, yeah, I want to be successful, but I feel like if I do
00:28:36.990 –> 00:28:44.220
Monica M Bijoux: My family go against me. So all of that comes out after they do this exercise and then from there, we actually start working on
00:28:44.520 –> 00:28:56.580
Monica M Bijoux: Taking away some of the limiting beliefs which takes Holly like no time at all for me. And then they can actually start moving towards wherever they want to go. So they’re an author and they want to write that book or they want to know how to
00:28:57.090 –> 00:28:59.430
Monica M Bijoux: promote their book or they’ve already written the book.
00:28:59.850 –> 00:29:08.700
Monica M Bijoux: I actually start helping them based on where they are and what’s the next, what’s the next step. Where do they want to see themselves in six months or a year because I usually have
00:29:08.970 –> 00:29:17.970
Monica M Bijoux: My client sign at least a six month contract because we know nothing happens overnight and they have to be dedicated and consistent and then I provide accountability with them for that.
00:29:18.660 –> 00:29:27.180
Steve Werner: Is so talk to me about what you think the biggest limiting beliefs are that people have, is it always around money.
00:29:27.630 –> 00:29:30.690
Monica M Bijoux: Money and success. Honestly, and then lack of boundary
00:29:31.590 –> 00:29:38.580
Steve Werner: So, okay. Walk me through all three of those because I i love that you brought up boundaries, we’re going to finish up with boundaries but talk to me about
00:29:38.760 –> 00:29:46.770
Steve Werner: Talking about money. A little bit. A lot of people have that programming from when they’re young, whether they know it or not. And they it’s two competing sides right you have
00:29:46.950 –> 00:29:53.670
Steve Werner: I want to be rich. I want to be successful. I want to be prosperous. But then there’s a huge amount of guilt and shame and negativity around it.
00:29:53.820 –> 00:29:54.810
Steve Werner: How do you shift that
00:29:55.410 –> 00:30:05.610
Monica M Bijoux: Yeah. So it literally when you’re working with someone that does have that limiting beliefs and stuff like that. One of the biggest things like when somebody telling me well I you know I was always told by my mother.
00:30:05.850 –> 00:30:10.110
Monica M Bijoux: You know, whatever, like, you know, just whatever was told. I’m like, Okay, well, you know, we
00:30:10.410 –> 00:30:18.960
Monica M Bijoux: I do this thing called a tape recorder. Okay, so we’re going to stop the tape recorder here, rewind and now let’s record. Exactly. I do a little NLP and every two to
00:30:19.620 –> 00:30:26.400
Monica M Bijoux: Record what you actually want it to be. What would you have liked to be said. And then based on experience in the things that you’ve seen
00:30:26.640 –> 00:30:33.690
Monica M Bijoux: What have actually been the reason the truth behind that, because oftentimes we you know we feel like the things that people have said to us or truth.
00:30:33.990 –> 00:30:42.480
Monica M Bijoux: And then I asked the person no magical question. Has that person always been right everything they’ve ever told you have been absolutely 100% correct
00:30:43.770 –> 00:30:50.130
Monica M Bijoux: And they used to have to say no. And I’m like, so do you feel like they could have possibly incorrect in this particular situation.
00:30:51.240 –> 00:30:58.710
Monica M Bijoux: Oh, maybe. So if they weren’t incorrect if they weren’t on that wasn’t the fact, what would be truthful to you.
00:30:59.580 –> 00:31:07.380
Monica M Bijoux: And so then we start working on that part. And that way, it just does this whole little. I don’t even understand, like I do, but I don’t
00:31:07.650 –> 00:31:15.270
Monica M Bijoux: Have where it shifts for people. You know where they’re like, Oh, I never thought about that. And so then that way we can actually start working through that I had
00:31:15.540 –> 00:31:25.590
Monica M Bijoux: One client that that was exactly how she came to me and then like after through this little exercise. She’s just like, Okay, I’m ready to be seen. I’m ready to get messed up. Let me go ahead and do this summit and
00:31:26.160 –> 00:31:29.820
Monica M Bijoux: Because you know she’s told me she’s like you weren’t EVERY PENNY YOU DON’T BE PLAYING
00:31:30.630 –> 00:31:40.380
Monica M Bijoux: Because it’s like if I know that you have the ability to get what you say you want to get I, it is my job and my mission is to help you get there.
00:31:40.710 –> 00:31:49.500
Monica M Bijoux: Based on what is comfortable for you. And so for me it’s so important to find out the real truth insides of what’s happening with my clients and not know surfacing stuff.
00:31:49.830 –> 00:32:01.140
Monica M Bijoux: You know, without it being therapy, but really getting to the root of, okay, do you really feel like in believe you’re going to be successful with your money and then we start coming up with a full solid plan of making that happen.
00:32:01.920 –> 00:32:12.780
Steve Werner: Awesome. So let’s talk about boundaries. Now, how do you see people having a hard time with boundaries, like, what, what are the things that come up for you. I can tell you got a lot of stuff around this. So,
00:32:12.930 –> 00:32:13.710
Steve Werner: I’ll let you take it.
00:32:13.920 –> 00:32:22.470
Monica M Bijoux: You know, it’s so funny because boundaries is something that if we people often think that boundaries is something that’s bad when someone tells someone no
00:32:22.770 –> 00:32:37.590
Monica M Bijoux: And this is the best one, like when people say how to say no without guilt. Well, the easiest thing. I teach people is that when you say no, it’s really like it, they kind of go into more details like say for instance, let’s use my time, for instance.
00:32:38.820 –> 00:32:46.200
Monica M Bijoux: Oftentimes, I’ll help people that want to post stuff on my plate because we as human beings we all are in it for ourselves, right, we have that
00:32:46.530 –> 00:32:56.280
Monica M Bijoux: Little piece nugget of some selfishness in there. So our goal is to get a person to do what we want to want the you know what we want them to do for us.
00:32:56.730 –> 00:33:06.930
Monica M Bijoux: So, but my goal is to protect my time and my space in my energy. So when someone comes to me and they’re like, hey, I need you to sign this or hey, I need you to do that. It’s like
00:33:07.620 –> 00:33:12.360
Monica M Bijoux: No, I can’t do it right now. But if you stick it and sit here. I’ll get soon as I get to it. I’ll let you know.
00:33:12.750 –> 00:33:21.900
Monica M Bijoux: Or if someone says, hey, I need to do this, this and that. Not right now. But how about at this time. So it’s really about giving a person satisfying the person’s mind.
00:33:22.260 –> 00:33:26.190
Monica M Bijoux: Of when can we have do it because oftentimes we come
00:33:26.580 –> 00:33:38.910
Monica M Bijoux: With whatever we we don’t know. We just say, hey, I want to have this meeting, but people don’t know the conversation to say, hey, I want to have this meeting, when are you available. It’s kind of like, Hey, let’s meet, are you available now.
00:33:39.690 –> 00:33:51.330
Monica M Bijoux: And instead of going, No, it’s like not right now. But how about, about two o’clock today later today. Or how about on Friday. So that’s like a simple boundary with time that a lot of people struggle with it. You know, it’s
00:33:51.720 –> 00:34:01.650
Monica M Bijoux: Like all you know my, my. Things To Do list keeps piling up know only if you let it because if that thing is not your party. I will get to it. It just won’t be right now.
00:34:02.130 –> 00:34:07.500
Steve Werner: Well that’s, I mean what you’re also bringing up. I think you, you probably know this, you’ll see it right away, but it’s
00:34:07.740 –> 00:34:15.210
Steve Werner: Are you a victim or are you taking responsibility if you’re taking responsibility for it. You won’t just let people pile up you’ll say, you know what
00:34:15.360 –> 00:34:23.850
Steve Werner: I would love to help you out with that. Let me find time in my calendar. I would love to help you with that. But I don’t work for free. I would love to help you with that.
00:34:24.390 –> 00:34:36.420
Steve Werner: And this is how we can continue. Right. That’s a building a positive non victim mentality. You are being at cars, instead of being affected by everything around you.
00:34:36.510 –> 00:34:39.300
Monica M Bijoux: Actually, and it also keeps you from being resentful.
00:34:39.750 –> 00:34:40.140
Steve Werner: Well, that’s
00:34:40.530 –> 00:34:50.160
Monica M Bijoux: One of the things that I refuse to do is when people, you know, slide into my messenger, you know, DM and they want some free coaching. So how do you go about this. And I’m like,
00:34:50.460 –> 00:35:00.150
Monica M Bijoux: One thing I do not do is do coaching through messenger, because I don’t understand or know your situation. Here’s. Excuse me. Here’s my calendar and feel free to schedule a call a consultation call
00:35:01.020 –> 00:35:02.970
Monica M Bijoux: Nice. You know, I actually call it virtual team.
00:35:04.800 –> 00:35:14.460
Monica M Bijoux: With Monica and and Simple as that. And they said, I’ve actually gotten several clients that way where they have reached out to me because they’ve heard me speak or something and they want to
00:35:15.270 –> 00:35:21.960
Monica M Bijoux: Follow up on something that you know not what I said. But something that’s pertaining to them. Like, how can I do that.
00:35:22.230 –> 00:35:22.680
Monica M Bijoux: You know,
00:35:23.280 –> 00:35:28.860
Monica M Bijoux: I don’t know your situation. And that’s one thing is I am accountable for what I say and what I do.
00:35:29.100 –> 00:35:35.160
Monica M Bijoux: And I never want to leave someone astray. That means that I’d be giving you advice without knowing the full answer. And that’s not to me. Okay.
00:35:35.460 –> 00:35:40.710
Monica M Bijoux: And so that’s when I actually scheduled them for a consultation call or like virtual team with Monica.
00:35:41.010 –> 00:35:46.110
Monica M Bijoux: And then they’ll end up saying, What can I work with you and it’s like, sure, but my intent is not to
00:35:46.380 –> 00:35:52.800
Monica M Bijoux: You know, like we all want to go into actually having clients that want book and want to work with us, but it’s truly is.
00:35:53.040 –> 00:35:59.490
Monica M Bijoux: I just don’t do coaching because of the fact that I have to hold myself accountable to the things that I say to a person so
00:35:59.760 –> 00:36:10.200
Monica M Bijoux: I that’s my boundary. I won’t do it. And so I’m very clear with my boundaries and so people have learned to respect them because I’m quick to say no, sorry, well down
00:36:10.680 –> 00:36:15.090
Steve Werner: At the end of the day we train people on how to treat us
00:36:15.150 –> 00:36:29.190
Monica M Bijoux: That’s what I tell people all the time, your number one job is to teach people how to treat you, because they don’t know they’re coming from their own experience. So they’re going to treat you with what’s familiar to them or what other people have allowed them to do so.
00:36:29.940 –> 00:36:33.870
Steve Werner: Monica. I got one more question for you. What is
00:36:34.380 –> 00:36:44.340
Steve Werner: Something that you can give people at home that you think can either help them overcome a limiting belief or help them to start setting some boundaries. If they’re listening to this and they’re like,
00:36:44.490 –> 00:36:49.800
Steve Werner: What’s something that I can just incorporate into my life. What’s on exercise that you would tell them to use
00:36:50.010 –> 00:36:59.040
Monica M Bijoux: Well, actually, you know what I actually have two freebies that’s on my website. One’s called millionaire mindset secrets and the other one is called mindset to action, and they both have focus on
00:36:59.370 –> 00:37:08.760
Monica M Bijoux: Mindset. And the reason why it’s so important is that I’ve heard. I’ve heard some people go mindset. Oh my gosh. But if you don’t start with really understanding and being very clear.
00:37:09.030 –> 00:37:18.510
Monica M Bijoux: Of what direction you want to go into around whatever you want to do some time I’ve had, I’ve interviewed several entrepreneurs that are multi millionaires.
00:37:18.780 –> 00:37:26.070
Monica M Bijoux: And they each have said that because of the back if they because most. Some of them were focused on making the money.
00:37:26.310 –> 00:37:31.770
Monica M Bijoux: And not establishing relationships, not understanding their boundaries, not understanding their mindset around
00:37:32.070 –> 00:37:39.840
Monica M Bijoux: Any of those things they end up making a big mistake. I remember one guy he was saying that he remembers after he made his first million
00:37:40.140 –> 00:37:50.130
Monica M Bijoux: Standing, you know, in his yard and it’s like kind of looked down like this little clip and he was like just felt a sense of sadness, like, yeah, I made it. But what do I have to show for it.
00:37:50.550 –> 00:38:02.340
Monica M Bijoux: What do I have to have for it. So one of the things I asked people is that, you know, when you’re saying, starting from the beginning is really understanding your why why you’re doing what you’re choosing to do
00:38:02.910 –> 00:38:15.120
Monica M Bijoux: Why are you, you know, want to make seven figures, why are you wanting to start that business why like because that’s going to be your foundation and that little nugget that keeps you grounded and back to reality when things start going
00:38:15.480 –> 00:38:24.300
Monica M Bijoux: Astray or when you’re feeling like, you know, why am I doing this or why this is so hard. What is your why of why you. Why are you in your business and doing what you do.
00:38:24.930 –> 00:38:39.000
Monica M Bijoux: That’s what keeps me grounded and keeps me focused on continue to push forward and be successful and stay, you know, not ever becoming a victim because there’s so many people that I want to help that have been victimized and to take that away from them.
00:38:40.020 –> 00:38:44.550
Steve Werner: Nice, where can people find your website, what’s your, what’s your web address
00:38:44.610 –> 00:38:58.710
Monica M Bijoux: It decide to move calm and it’s because they don’t have to put the www anything they can just put decide to move calm and freebies, and connections to me all of my social media and everything else like that.
00:38:59.100 –> 00:39:02.550
Steve Werner: And if they wanted to book a free consultation call. Can they do that on your website.
00:39:02.580 –> 00:39:06.300
Monica M Bijoux: Yes, yes, there’s links to that as well back that’s right at the top.
00:39:06.840 –> 00:39:16.830
Steve Werner: Awesome Monica, you have been an amazing guest. Thank you so much for sharing so much of your time knowledge and wisdom. It was a lot of fun to have you on here.
00:39:18.210 –> 00:39:28.200
Monica M Bijoux: It sure, Steve, thank you. Because this is i, from the moment that I met girls like we’re going to get along great. It truly has been, I thank you for allowing me to be on your show.
00:39:28.590 –> 00:39:45.660
Steve Werner: No problem to everyone else. Thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure you go and check out Monica has website. The links are in the description below. Or you can just go to decide to move calm. Until next time, take action change lives and make money. We’ll see you soon.
00:39:47.010 –> 00:39:47.640
Monica M Bijoux: Bye.
00:39:50.610 –> 00:39:50.880
Steve Werner: All right.