Melvin Nix: How to Change Your Self Image to Reach Your Goals
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Steve Werner: They tell you that it’s being recorded.
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Melvin Nix: yeah so just heard the recording in progress, prompt.
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Steve Werner: Okay awesome.
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Steve Werner: Welcome back to grow your impact income and influence the number one show for personal development and marketing online today, my name is Steve Warner, and today I am joined by melvin next.
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Steve Werner: melvin is a personal development coach he’s a spiritual teacher and author and a motivational speaker, he is helping people design the new you he’s helping people break out of their Shell find.
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Steve Werner: Their inner calling and become a better version of themselves or a new version of themselves that I hit that pretty well melvin.
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Melvin Nix: Absolutely Steve that’s a I like to really stress that with any change that we want to make in life, you know I think change is more about us becoming.
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Melvin Nix: You know we’ve heard Gandhi talk about be the change that you want in the world, I totally believe that you have to become the change that you want, in your personal life and in every aspect of your professional life, as well, so you absolutely hit the nail on the head.
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Steve Werner: awesome well, so I love personal development, I am a huge fan of it, I went through my first Tony robbins program probably in 2002.
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Steve Werner: i’ve been through a lot of different programs and i’ve found that before I could help anybody with my like with their journey, I had to do my own journey right, I had to come out of my own Shell, and I have a vastly different person from the kid that graduated high school with like 1.9.
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Steve Werner: Barely made it to college.
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Steve Werner: took years off did a bunch of drugs like I had that whole story back you know 9596 97 but I had to go through the change myself i’m guessing you did as well.
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Melvin Nix: Absolutely, I have lived many lives in this one lifetime of mine and so.
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Melvin Nix: I totally resonate with that and I think most people who get into personal development and self development come to some point of realization that something in their life isn’t working.
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Melvin Nix: And I hit that point, probably in my mid 30s you know a lot of people will say when you turn 30 things kind of changed a little bit for you, you know mentally and you.
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Melvin Nix: Look at your life, a little bit differently you’ve you’ve gone beyond that you know 20s and college level thinking and you become a little bit more serious about your life so.
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Melvin Nix: I hit that point in my 30s where I looked around and found myself in a bad marriage, I was working jobs that didn’t really take care of my financial obligations and I was just extremely frustrated with where my life was, and that was the catalyst for me to get on the path myself.
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Steve Werner: So talk us through that a little bit more, because I think it is really important.
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Steve Werner: For people to hear like where you came from, I can tell my story anyone that listens to this knows it, but I want to hear like.
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Steve Werner: I mean what what job, are you working, why were you there, why were you in a bad marriage or was it a bad marriage, was it your fault, was it her fault was a combo like why this through like what did things look like.
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Steve Werner: When you woke up one day and you’re like i’m so frustrated things have to change.
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Melvin Nix: In early on in my life, so I was in the military, I was in the air force after I graduated high school, I was supposed to get a football scholarship but things didn’t work out that way so.
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Melvin Nix: I went ahead and signed up for the the air force and, while in the air force, I was young and very impressionable and.
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Melvin Nix: thought of life in one dimension, you know at that age, I thought well the person who lives, a good life has a good job they marry.
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Melvin Nix: You know, a spouse that’s a good fit for them and then the two of them work together and things just go well you know so.
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Melvin Nix: That was my outlook on life at that time I had been raised in church predominantly so my ideology about relationships and things of that nature kind of were you know based around that somewhat.
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Melvin Nix: So when you are coming from this state of mind you look at things from a standpoint like if your relationships aren’t working, then you kind of.
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Melvin Nix: handle things from a more spiritual spiritual perspective.
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Melvin Nix: Rather than taking note of.
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Melvin Nix: What the actual feedback is in the situation if that makes sense, you know So are we communicating properly, and if we aren’t, then we need to focus on doing those types of things and that did not happen, it was a 16 year situation of basically just two people frustrating each other and.
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Melvin Nix: i’m in the middle of that process, though probably eight years in I will remember being on lead once on a Christmas holiday.
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Melvin Nix: And I just had everything in my head, you know, I was struggling with where was financially, I was working.
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Melvin Nix: At the time, a bunch of different jobs, you know i’m a technical person, so I was doing troubleshooting and.
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Melvin Nix: The job just wasn’t very fulfilling you know, but it paid me enough money to keep me going back you know, they say, jobs and just over broke.
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Melvin Nix: I had many of those situations so on this vacation I was really just thinking man, I need to go to the bookstore and find something that’s going to be motivation.
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Melvin Nix: And this is the first time in my life that I stepped outside of my religious mindset and just look for any kind of information.
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Melvin Nix: That I felt would be helpful, so I went to the mall and I was just kind of walking around the bookstore and this one book just stood out and got my attention, it was a Eureka moment.
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Melvin Nix: It was a book called the power of the subconscious mind by Joseph Murphy, have you ever heard of that book.
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Steve Werner: I have, I actually I might be on my bookshelf i’ve read it that’s great book.
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Steve Werner: yeah great book.
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Melvin Nix: I read that book and within the first couple of chapters it kind of like blew my mind away.
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Melvin Nix: And I was just wondering, you know, could I really changed my life if I work with the principles that he talks about in this book.
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Melvin Nix: And i’m here to say that, within the first few weeks of applying the information that he talked about, I was able to make some real change and incredibly fast, believe it or not so.
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Melvin Nix: Once I started, seeing that my marriage didn’t get fixed my situation didn’t change overnight, but over time, I was able to make adjustments that made my entire life completely different.
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Steve Werner: Well, so I have a couple questions that I want to I heard you say things, but I want to, I want to ask some clarifying questions because the first thing is, you said you know you were approaching for that 16 year period, you were approaching things at from a religious point of view.
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Steve Werner: Yes, and I grew up super religious one of the things that I like to point out to people that I think you can be a Christian and be.
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Steve Werner: Like not have this, but one thing that i’ve seen in the Church is people want to.
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Steve Werner: it’s a victim mindset, without being a victim, it is it’s somebody else’s responsibility if things aren’t going right, I must have done something to make God angry like I can’t tell you how many times, I heard that.
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Steve Werner: growing up and I don’t think I don’t think God gets angry at us, I don’t think I mean unless you’re an Old Testament person.
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Steve Werner: Like.
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Steve Werner: God doesn’t throw things at you right like God loves us, and he wants us to do the best that we possibly can, and he gives us tools.
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Steve Werner: But we have to take the responsibility to use those tools, you did that by stepping into a bookstore and buying a book there, but that I don’t know if he was Christian or not, but the book speaks to a tool on how to use this amazing mind that God gave us right.
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Steve Werner: it’s run and step into our power.
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Steve Werner: And I think one of the one of the biggest things anyone who’s listening to the show at all like I I find a way to tie it into it pretty much every interview, like the difference between.
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Steve Werner: Taking responsibility and saying if it’s going to be it’s up to me, I need to figure out the things that I need to do versus you know what not my responsibility, not my problem, not my chair not my problem like i’m not.
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Steve Werner: i’m not dealing with that that’s The thing that separates successful people from non successful people, because the minute that you.
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Steve Werner: Put a line in the sand and say this is i’m going to fix this things can start to get better, because then you’re taking.
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Steve Werner: Responsibility so take us on the journey you read this book you started to implement some of these things we’re going to come back to what those things are.
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Steve Werner: don’t worry if you’re listening and you’re like just tell me what they are we’re going to come back to them.
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Steve Werner: Take me on the journey like what happened, what happened next in your relationship with next happen next, in your job, and how did you get from where you were at that moment in time frustrated just over broke with the golden handcuffs to where you are now.
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Melvin Nix: Okay i’ll try to do it in the categories, I like how you listed that out so first thing i’ll talk about is the job.
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Melvin Nix: When I read that book.
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Melvin Nix: One of the things that he helped me to realize was a couple of things one.
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Melvin Nix: After reading that book, I decided to go back and throw away everything that I had ever heard about the Bible everything I heard about God and.
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Melvin Nix: approach that with you know, a different set of eyes versus rose colored glasses, you know because I think that in religion, we learn how to learn and sense they.
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Melvin Nix: The I think it’s the way the human mind works when you sit in a situation like a church service and you relax and you just open your mind up to whatever you’re allowing yourself to be conditioned and so.
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Melvin Nix: During that conditioning you hear things and you don’t necessarily question, but after I read that book.
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Melvin Nix: I don’t know if Dr Murphy was a Christian at all, but he did reference the Bible a lot, and one of the things that stood out to me that helped me to understand personal responsibility.
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Melvin Nix: Was he pointed out what in his definition prayer actually was and he talked about how.
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Melvin Nix: In every religion, there are people who had answers to prayer but who they pray to didn’t make a difference at all, you know he talked about how.
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Melvin Nix: The Buddhist got answers to their prayers Christians did and other you know different types of belief systems and the way that he mentioned it was about taking personal responsibility.
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Melvin Nix: And when I went back and looked at the Bible.
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Melvin Nix: And I took the religious glasses off, I saw where the Bible primarily bills with God not doing anything for us it’s more about we came equipped.
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Melvin Nix: To do what we need to do, and we have everything inside of US already and his expectation is that we take.
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Melvin Nix: Those gifts that we have on the inside, and the things that are in our makeup and we go and we do something about it, and so, Dr Murphy.
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Melvin Nix: pointed that out from a standpoint of prayer where his definition of prayer was not you know when we think about getting on your knees and saying a bunch of things and repeating the lord’s prayer.
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Melvin Nix: It was more about whatever desire that you have that, in fact, is prayer that is constantly going out into the universe.
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Melvin Nix: And the universe, which is attached to us, because I believe that we are part of the universe, I believe that we are all spirit.
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Melvin Nix: And if you are connected to the source of spirit, then spirit is listening to you all the time and so.
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Melvin Nix: that’s when we get those situations to where we have intuitive nudges I believe that is when spirit is trying to push us or lead us in a direction but.
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Melvin Nix: oftentimes we fight that voice, and we think it’s just us making things up and we don’t take steps forward so.
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Melvin Nix: I began to change how I saw prayer and one of the things that I did, and I hope I don’t give away too much information at first, but I started writing down the things that I wanted to see in my life, you know just very basic things I wanted to have a particular job I wanted to.
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Melvin Nix: learn a particular skill set so I made like a list of 20 different things that.
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Melvin Nix: I really wanted, and all I did was posted on the back of my door my bedroom door so every day I forced myself when I went to that door.
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Melvin Nix: I could see what I had written down, and it would just put it into my mind, for you know, maybe 10 minutes, so what I started noticing was over a course of time situation started.
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Melvin Nix: lining themselves up like I would meet a particular person or I would see something on a website that would get my attention, and it would ultimately lead me down the path of manifesting those things that I wanted.
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Melvin Nix: So, at the time I had switched tech jobs and I started teaching myself how to do computer animation.
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Melvin Nix: And I wanted a job, where I could utilize my skills so after I read Dr murphy’s book probably three weeks later, I had gotten myself hired at an NBC affiliate in Kansas city where I was doing animation and graphics for two news programs so.
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Steve Werner: i’m just gonna jump in like I think there’s a lot there like you just unpacked a ton right on and it’s like flashbacks from the book are coming back to me.
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Steve Werner: On the idea of exactly what you’re saying like prayer is us using our mental facility.
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Steve Werner: To either implant things in our subconscious or just make them conscious right and like.
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Steve Werner: start focusing on them, and it, it could be the same as meditation it could be the same as prayer it could be the same as mantras like all of those things, in my opinion do kind of the same thing.
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Steve Werner: I do believe, when you look at the Bible like I think some people listening to this if they’re Christians there I know my mom would immediately be like Oh, my goodness right but.
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Steve Werner: it’s not saying that the Bible isn’t true or if there’s anything there it’s just you’re looking at it, as in terms of either God is doing this for us or God gave us the tools and wants us to use those tools, because that’s where the only enlightened beings right.
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Steve Werner: that’s right out of everything on the planet we’re the only ones with that enlightenment and he gave us that, because I think he enjoys, I think, honestly, like the biggest thing that God enjoys is us.
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Steve Werner: Using our abilities, he wants us to fulfill, whatever our purposes here on life and we decide what that is at the end of the day.
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Steve Werner: So i’m going to let you go back to it there’s just a ton that you unpacked so let’s go back to you got your job, three weeks.
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Steve Werner: Something that I was gonna say is you know when you start this process i’m big believer.
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Steve Werner: I was going to get up and get it, but I have a list of 20 things I don’t know where that number 20 came from, but that’s somebody told me that and probably 2009 2008 and i’ve always kept it and I cross them out, I have a I have records of them because it’s crazy.
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Steve Werner: Like I read them in the morning I read them at night, I read them in the morning I read them at night, and they they usually almost everything on my list has come to fruition.
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Steve Werner: And it just keeps building on so I don’t know where the number 20 came from, so you, you have this list on your door mine take mine mine, some of them go really fast, but most of them take a few months, at least.
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Steve Werner: yeah but you three weeks, you get a new job.
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Melvin Nix: Yes, and it’s just interesting how this played out, so I get the new job at NBC actions and i’m designing graphics i’m getting paid a little bit more money.
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Melvin Nix: Life is a little easier and i’m just enjoying myself well i’m sitting in between breaks and i’m just browsing on the Internet because we’re several computer so on our lunch break, we can go and look at different things.
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Melvin Nix: And i’m looking on the Internet and I noticed that there’s a program at universal studios that was an animation school, it was brand new.
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Melvin Nix: And so they taught people how to do visual effects, so this just showed up out of nowhere and I started looking into the website and.
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Melvin Nix: I started really getting excited about it, however, I was living in Kansas city at the time, and this program was in Orlando Florida so.
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Melvin Nix: Looking at you know, being a married guy and my whole existence is rooted in Kansas city i’m like there’s no way I can.
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Melvin Nix: You know, pick up everything moved to Orlando for a year on a whim, and just see how things are going to turn out.
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Melvin Nix: But I remembered in the book he said never tell yourself never answer a question with a negative answer so if you really want something.
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Melvin Nix: Even when that thought comes just focus on having it in your life, so I looked at the school opportunity for maybe a week and I just kept sitting there and looking at they had what they call DEMO reels which were student productions, that they had.
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Melvin Nix: So every single day, I would just go and look at the cool animations that other students have done in the program and the first year.
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Melvin Nix: What ended up happening was I just decided to apply to the school and and applying to the school, the way things worked out, they wanted you to have a portfolio.
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Melvin Nix: Well, if I had not been working at the TV station, I would not have had an opportunity to have developed.
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Melvin Nix: Different samples that I could show so things kind of lined up perfectly in that regard to where I took those samples I submitted them, probably the next day, I heard from the owner of the school hey I, like you to come down and.
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Melvin Nix: Take a look at the school and see if it’s something that you’re interested in, so I made arrangements to go down there probably a month later.
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Melvin Nix: And when I got there, the owner just kind of intuitively knew that I was going to come to the school, so he gave me and my family at the time.
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Melvin Nix: An annual pass to go to the theme park so that was an added bonus, you know something I didn’t even expect but long story short, I went through that Program.
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Melvin Nix: And I started another list because going through that program you know life kind of get a little bit difficult because I went there alone I didn’t have my family with me at the time, so.
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Melvin Nix: going to school from seven in the morning to three afternoon, a lot of employers don’t really you know hire people to work they want you to be there at eight in the morning, so.
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Melvin Nix: That led to me having a number of different jobs from being a janitor to working at walmart and things of that nature i’m grateful for those opportunities, but in the middle of trying to go through the program my character was really being tested in a lot of ways, so.
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Melvin Nix: While I was in the program and kind of going through some of the heart spots I started making a list again because this book came back to my memory and.
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Melvin Nix: Another book in the middle of the program when I was going to school, I would go to the library on the weekend.
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Melvin Nix: And you mentioned Tony robbins earlier, I found his book awaken the giant within and I started reading the book as well, so that kind of gave me.
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Melvin Nix: Another boost to try this thing out to Dr Murphy kept talking about you know, so I want to hit wrote another list and I wrote down within two weeks of graduation, I will be hired by a major movie studio.
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Melvin Nix: Well, I graduated and it wasn’t two weeks later, it was probably three weeks later, I got a phone call from a major movie studio.
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Melvin Nix: Through a person that I knew at the school that I had gone to and I had no idea, they brought my name up and said, you need to hire melvin.
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Melvin Nix: So I ended up on the plane la and was having the time of my life and my socks blown off, you know just from applying the things that I read in that book and so that completely changed my my work situation.
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Steve Werner: So I want to jump in I want to I have, I have a comment, and I have a question sure um The first thing is, like so many times, people say, well, why did things get difficult right i’m doing what I feel like i’m supposed to do.
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Steve Werner: And my answer I would love your thoughts on this, my answer to that is when we are growing, there are growing pains.
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Steve Werner: Like that’s part of the process, when you get outside of your little sphere that’s your comfort zone and you start experiencing new things, which is what you asked for right.
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Steve Werner: you’re going to need to change who you are like fundamentally, this is one of the things that I coach all my clients on the minute they start speaking on stage because they’re excited.
00:19:51.090 –> 00:20:02.640
Steve Werner: And then, as soon as the excitement rolls off then they’re like Oh, my goodness, and they start to get anxious and have this anxiety and i’m like that’s just your old self falling away like that’s just the growing pains, and like.
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Steve Werner: it’s just a thing, it will pass this too will pass right this too shall pass just you just have to bear with it and it’s completely normal.
00:20:12.390 –> 00:20:20.130
Steve Werner: You wouldn’t it’s a sign that you’re going in the right direction right like it’s just like you said, like you’re being tested a little bit how bad do you want this.
00:20:20.370 –> 00:20:28.950
Steve Werner: Because the universe is asking you that anytime you do something new anytime you push a little bit they’re going to be pains you’re going to break some eggs, to make an omelet that’s another way.
00:20:29.460 –> 00:20:40.710
Steve Werner: People say it so i’d love your feedback on that, and the second thing is, I hear a lot of people, because I agree with you, like don’t answer a question in negative to yourself, you want it focus on what you want.
00:20:41.400 –> 00:20:53.250
Steve Werner: Do you have a mental trick that you use to stop yourself from thinking about things that you don’t want because I can say don’t think about a pink elephant I just made you think of a pink elephant right.
00:20:53.280 –> 00:20:54.930
Steve Werner: How do you stop that from happening.
00:20:56.370 –> 00:20:59.070
Steve Werner: i’ll kind of throw the ball to you and let you let you run with those.
00:20:59.760 –> 00:21:11.790
Melvin Nix: Okay um in regards to when those challenges come up, I believe that going back to what we were talking about as far as change change is something that I believe requires.
00:21:12.690 –> 00:21:21.870
Melvin Nix: difficulty to a degree, and not that the difficulty is there to just make your life hard, but I think the difficulty comes to teach you how to grow.
00:21:22.290 –> 00:21:33.240
Melvin Nix: And you know oftentimes when I talk about purpose I point out obstacles and I often say that obstacles can be the greatest teacher in the world if you decide to look at it differently.
00:21:33.690 –> 00:21:41.400
Melvin Nix: You know, when we have that roadblock that shows up sometimes i’ve been you know driving along the road and had to take a detour and discovered.
00:21:41.730 –> 00:21:52.770
Melvin Nix: A really beautiful lake that I didn’t even know was close to the route that I drove to work every day, you know so when you began to look at change and look at obstacles, a little bit differently.
00:21:53.340 –> 00:22:05.910
Melvin Nix: start to find them from a standpoint of now to this thing has presented itself what’s the lesson that I need to learn here, because if you are about self development, you will find out rapidly that it’s all about learning and growing.
00:22:06.360 –> 00:22:22.170
Melvin Nix: So when you happen to run into those situations that are inconveniences what they allow you to do is to secure your life in that area, if you look at okay this bad thing happened, what can I learn from it, rather than allowing you to destroy your self confidence and.
00:22:23.190 –> 00:22:32.910
Melvin Nix: When you look at it that way, it allows you to have a better mindset, because you can strengthen yourself and strengthen your resolve because.
00:22:33.300 –> 00:22:43.830
Melvin Nix: When you step into your purpose they’re going to be many challenges that come your way things don’t work out the way you want them to relationships go sour but does that mean that you should stop what you’re doing.
00:22:44.340 –> 00:22:54.780
Melvin Nix: Absolutely not that’s just an indication to you as you mentioned earlier, that you are, in fact, on the right path and you need to just make some adjustments and shift along the way.
00:22:55.320 –> 00:23:06.060
Melvin Nix: You know I think in a lot of terms about like an acorn as an example, any plant me see that you plan to the ground that seed is dormant until you wake it up.
00:23:06.630 –> 00:23:16.620
Melvin Nix: But when you wake it up, the first thing it does is crack open the Shell that it’s in and I can’t say if it’s painful to the plan, but I kind of you know, when I look at our lives.
00:23:17.280 –> 00:23:25.530
Melvin Nix: Sometimes cracking open to allow that seed of growth to comment and our purpose to start manifesting in our lives is going to be uncomfortable.
00:23:25.950 –> 00:23:35.400
Melvin Nix: And that uncomfortable situation creates a little bit of pain, because it’s new and it’s unfamiliar, but when you allow yourself to just relax.
00:23:35.820 –> 00:23:48.540
Melvin Nix: And look at things a little bit differently when those challenges come, it allows you to shift and prepare yourself for the largest challenges that may come along when you are really stepping into your purpose.
00:23:49.230 –> 00:24:01.530
Melvin Nix: yeah and to get into the other question what I typically do to keep myself centered I learned this a long time ago, just out of the blue, you know with being a spiritual teacher, there are many times, where.
00:24:02.010 –> 00:24:06.360
Melvin Nix: I get inspiration when i’m just sitting out back on my porch just staring at the trees.
00:24:07.890 –> 00:24:13.350
Melvin Nix: And I had this thought about if you really want to stay positive think about worrying.
00:24:14.040 –> 00:24:20.820
Melvin Nix: As an example, when you worry about something you typically manifest but we don’t oftentimes think that we’re the ones.
00:24:21.420 –> 00:24:31.200
Melvin Nix: Creating the situation, but we in fact are so when you worry about something, the first thing you do is you have it in your mind and you see it in a minute in a mentally.
00:24:32.040 –> 00:24:45.000
Melvin Nix: Challenging way, and so the more you think about it, you start having emotions that are associated with those thoughts that then start to make you feel bad and start to get anxiety and stress.
00:24:45.420 –> 00:24:53.610
Melvin Nix: And so the next thing that happens after that is you start to do things that are in alignment with creating this situation that you were worrying about.
00:24:54.000 –> 00:24:57.810
Melvin Nix: So ultimately to worry manifest itself, and you are the one that made it happen.
00:24:58.260 –> 00:25:05.760
Melvin Nix: So whenever i’ve had those negative thoughts come that just comes back to me because usually I start to worry about the situation.
00:25:06.120 –> 00:25:13.500
Melvin Nix: And then something just over time of putting that inside of my consciousness i’ll just remember Okay, I need to switch gears.
00:25:13.950 –> 00:25:22.290
Melvin Nix: And look at this differently and just focus on what I want to desire, rather than me, bringing it to pass through looking at it, the way that I don’t want it to be.
00:25:23.910 –> 00:25:33.180
Steve Werner: that’s a good that’s a good answer I mean, I agree, I think some people I know some people like they just can’t get out of the worry state.
00:25:33.660 –> 00:25:48.510
Steve Werner: Like you just need to let go of it like you have to realize that there are better things out there and focus on what you want okay so let’s go back to your story your your now the like that’s your your story Arc right, you went from.
00:25:49.950 –> 00:25:59.580
Steve Werner: Working a job he didn’t like to work in the new studio to going to graphic school animation school to getting hired on a film set.
00:26:01.410 –> 00:26:13.980
Steve Werner: Like where where does your relationship come into this, because I know that’s The other thing like when you’re growing and the other person, it may be isn’t or is growing in a different direction, how did that go for you and how did.
00:26:16.440 –> 00:26:22.950
Melvin Nix: Oh, we okay i’ll just start talking yeah in a relationship in all honesty.
00:26:24.030 –> 00:26:33.570
Melvin Nix: Things were never really that great it’s just that I, like many of the people in North of red flags that showed up from day number one you know we we like to.
00:26:33.900 –> 00:26:43.740
Melvin Nix: If we really want a situation to work we make excuses for things we ignore red flags when they show up and we don’t have those difficult conversations that need to be had and so.
00:26:44.940 –> 00:26:53.220
Melvin Nix: After I was hired at the studio I ended up relocating Florida because another opportunity opened up, while I was at the movie studios so that.
00:26:53.730 –> 00:27:02.760
Melvin Nix: When the movie studio job ended I easily transition into this new opportunity it just lined up perfectly So when I was living in Florida.
00:27:03.330 –> 00:27:07.140
Melvin Nix: A lot of things kind of came to a head in regards to the relationship where.
00:27:07.590 –> 00:27:19.020
Melvin Nix: things that were contentious and where I had normally just decided to ignore them overlook them, I began to raise them, as you know, conversations that I felt we should have and.
00:27:19.650 –> 00:27:34.980
Melvin Nix: A lot of disagreements came out of that and we just never really had any understanding and ultimately the person I was married to decided that they didn’t want to be married to me so long story short, went through that process of separation and divorce, but.
00:27:36.390 –> 00:27:42.540
Melvin Nix: After that transition occurred, I found myself again looking at my life going okay what in the world’s happened because.
00:27:43.080 –> 00:27:49.260
Melvin Nix: In my mind, I thought I was a good husband, a good provider, that I was the person that was doing everything that I needed to do.
00:27:49.560 –> 00:27:58.530
Melvin Nix: But it takes two to tango you know so in a relationship you both have to work together, because if you don’t, then you really have nothing but a one sided situation.
00:27:59.070 –> 00:28:11.190
Melvin Nix: So after that situation ended I moved back to North Carolina that’s why i’m originally from, and so I moved back home spend some time with my mom and my sisters and my family that were here because they hadn’t seen you in a while.
00:28:11.760 –> 00:28:17.640
Melvin Nix: And in the process of of making that transition I started my own freelance business.
00:28:18.270 –> 00:28:34.710
Melvin Nix: and in doing so I was going to a lot of networking meetings and probably the third networking meeting I went to I met the woman, that is, that is my wife now who, who is my true love and you know just from day one, everything has been perfect you know so.
00:28:35.940 –> 00:28:43.470
Melvin Nix: When we met I was doing my animation work she was doing work very similar from an event perspective so.
00:28:43.770 –> 00:28:57.750
Melvin Nix: We just had the synergy from day one, and I believe, because I had gotten my mind where it needs to be and I had even define the kind of relationship that I want to move forward, she comes into my life and fits every single aspect and then so so.
00:28:58.740 –> 00:29:09.810
Melvin Nix: Even after going through a bad relationship, going back to what we said about challenges, all of the challenges in that situation, when I had time of separation and went through the divorce and just that window of time.
00:29:10.350 –> 00:29:26.730
Melvin Nix: A few years had passed, I started, you know learning more and and learning to look at what lessons I can take from that bad situation so that moving forward, I would not repeat bad history, and so you know that’s been a process as well, but.
00:29:28.080 –> 00:29:37.950
Melvin Nix: i’m in you know a great marriage now and my wife and I have our own company we work together well we’re building business together and probably the biggest thing for me.
00:29:38.370 –> 00:29:49.590
Melvin Nix: is just having the lid removed off of me, in a sense, to where i’m able to be myself i’m able to explore my purpose and to do what i’m here to do.
00:29:50.040 –> 00:29:57.210
Melvin Nix: Rather than just working a nine to five to pay bills all the time and, and I think that when you are in a relationship it’s vital.
00:29:57.570 –> 00:30:10.230
Melvin Nix: that the two of you understand that, yes, you are in a relationship, but you have to develop as independent individuals and that you should help the other person to become the best person that they can be and to fulfill their purpose ultimately.
00:30:10.800 –> 00:30:24.480
Steve Werner: Well that’s I mean supporting each other is key to I think any relationship working well and it’s interesting to hear you say like she decided she didn’t want to be with you a lot of times i’ve seen that happen.
00:30:25.650 –> 00:30:29.820
Steve Werner: You know, one person starts to change and they start to grow in the other person, for whatever reason.
00:30:30.270 –> 00:30:35.940
Steve Werner: tends to go a different direction right they’re like yeah i’m not doing that i’m going over here and that’s okay um.
00:30:36.660 –> 00:30:51.270
Steve Werner: It opens you up to find the relationship that you really wanted, so I want to i’m going to ask a couple questions kind of in rapid fire just people listening that are like Okay, how do I do this, what what.
00:30:52.560 –> 00:31:02.070
Steve Werner: is something that they can start to do you talked about the list of 20 things um maybe walk through, how do you make a list of things that you even want, how do you start to.
00:31:03.060 –> 00:31:16.260
Steve Werner: move things forward and get out of where you are, if you had to list, maybe a better way to ask would be like what are one or two things from the power of the subconscious mind that you started using that you now help people use.
00:31:17.940 –> 00:31:25.560
Melvin Nix: One of the things that that I definitely do i’ll combine a couple of things in case since we started talking about the Bible and Christianity.
00:31:26.250 –> 00:31:46.110
Melvin Nix: If there are any Christian listeners i’m going to go to the Bible with an example of of how to approach the question you just asked so one of the things that I do is I think about in terms of what I want, and if I don’t know what I wanted to time I give myself time to just think and.
00:31:47.970 –> 00:31:55.830
Melvin Nix: Part of purpose and part of fulfilling your life purpose, I believe, is listening to what I call the urgent resolve I have written the book on.
00:31:56.250 –> 00:32:04.830
Melvin Nix: You are in the middle of your purpose and I kind of do a word play off of the you are in right in the middle of the the the literal word purpose there’s a you are.
00:32:05.250 –> 00:32:14.640
Melvin Nix: And to me that you are stands for what I call the urgent resolve and what that means, to me, is those times that i’m reflecting on my life.
00:32:15.150 –> 00:32:24.540
Melvin Nix: Or you know if i’m going to a movie or something or whatever I may be doing there are times throughout the day that i’ll have an intuitive knowledge, where something tries to get my attention.
00:32:25.200 –> 00:32:35.310
Melvin Nix: And you know if i’m doing something and I get that nervousness like do this more and I allow myself to enjoy that experience and then I start to take note of that.
00:32:35.820 –> 00:32:43.710
Melvin Nix: And those situations, I believe our property from the subconscious because we all, in my opinion, have a purpose to fulfill.
00:32:44.040 –> 00:32:50.910
Melvin Nix: And I don’t look at purpose in terms of this is what I need to be doing with my life I look at it more about you know.
00:32:51.360 –> 00:33:00.840
Melvin Nix: What is the reason for me being born and I think if you focus on reason things start to make sense, and so, when you look at the reason for me being here.
00:33:01.710 –> 00:33:11.400
Melvin Nix: And you start to look at your life from that perspective you’ll start to notice from that self assessment, there are things that you’ve thought about from the time you were a child.
00:33:11.820 –> 00:33:22.410
Melvin Nix: That really resonated with you at one point in your life, but you know he got educated out of you, or you know, religion, may have taken from your family dynamics, or what have you.
00:33:22.800 –> 00:33:28.890
Melvin Nix: But at one point in time, in your life that was something that you really got a lot of juice from when you thought about it.
00:33:29.370 –> 00:33:39.780
Melvin Nix: And so I I often tell people when you want to know what your purpose is pay attention to when you’ve had those intuitive nudges because more than likely is has something to do with.
00:33:40.230 –> 00:33:51.300
Melvin Nix: Why, you were here while you were born and your reason for being here it’s a problem here for you to solve so in terms of looking at once you’ve identified that nudge.
00:33:52.530 –> 00:34:03.870
Melvin Nix: oftentimes that nudge will kind of you know, be paired with some of your personal gifts some of the things that you have skills already that are just you know.
00:34:04.260 –> 00:34:10.740
Melvin Nix: Good things that you know things that you’re really good at doing and so when those nudges come see if it pairs up with.
00:34:11.610 –> 00:34:16.920
Melvin Nix: Something that you’re already good at doing and and just take a look at that and explore it and see how it makes you feel.
00:34:17.550 –> 00:34:30.450
Melvin Nix: And so that’s definitely one of the things that I do and vision boards is a big thing for me I oftentimes when I go through magazines and I like to read a lot if I see something that just remotely gets my attention i’ll cut it out and put it on the vision board.
00:34:31.560 –> 00:34:41.400
Melvin Nix: Because that’s a reminder to me of something that I might need to look at later, so I think it’s a matter of developing a relationship with yourself.
00:34:41.940 –> 00:34:48.120
Melvin Nix: And we talked about communication how that communication that isn’t working can destroy a relationship with another person.
00:34:48.510 –> 00:34:57.840
Melvin Nix: Well, think about the times that you’ve communicated with you, where you’ve had an idea that was something that was very inspiring but you told yourself, you can do it that’s poor communication.
00:34:58.470 –> 00:35:07.440
Melvin Nix: Or if an opportunity presents itself you look at them and go well, maybe I can do it, but maybe someone else is better at it, so you let that slide so.
00:35:07.860 –> 00:35:17.760
Melvin Nix: You communicated with yourself in a way that convinced you not to step into your purpose, so I make sure that I do things that’s when they speak to me.
00:35:18.030 –> 00:35:32.700
Melvin Nix: That I give an ear to them and and giving an ear to them, that means either write it down or I took the photo out or I make that phone call or I just explore more on the website, so I think those are practical things that a person can do to really start getting in touch with.
00:35:34.890 –> 00:35:37.890
Melvin Nix: How to start making that list of items.
00:35:38.910 –> 00:35:40.080
Steve Werner: So really quick.
00:35:40.380 –> 00:35:50.100
Steve Werner: up a really quick, I want to ask about you’re talking about how to talk to yourself, so I think this is a key key component.
00:35:50.670 –> 00:35:59.040
Steve Werner: Did you ever read there’s a book called what to say when you talk to yourself it’s kind of older it’s from from the early 80s, but talk to me about, because I think.
00:35:59.610 –> 00:36:11.520
Steve Werner: So this is something i’ve done a little bit of study on they said that there’s somewhere between 50 and 70,000 senses of internal conversation per day in the human mind.
00:36:11.970 –> 00:36:17.280
Steve Werner: So, if you think about that all the conversations that you have and they’re fleeting you don’t remember all of them.
00:36:17.520 –> 00:36:28.260
Steve Werner: But what happens is over time, like you can imprint of are you being positive with yourself, are you telling yourself that you can do things are you telling yourself that you can’t do things that you’re not good enough, unfortunately.
00:36:28.710 –> 00:36:32.160
Steve Werner: 95% of people, I think, tell themselves that they’re not good enough.
00:36:32.490 –> 00:36:40.650
Steve Werner: They they have conversations in our head where they’re running through past arguments I mean how many arguments have you had with somebody that is either.
00:36:40.950 –> 00:36:50.040
Steve Werner: dead and gone or it’s an argument from high school, I still sometimes i’ve got rid of most of them every once in a while, have an argument from high school or an ex girlfriend.
00:36:50.460 –> 00:36:59.520
Steve Werner: it’s like none of that stuff matters, they they’re not angry about it anymore Why am I reliving the So what do you do to get yourself to talk to yourself differently.
00:37:00.180 –> 00:37:10.230
Melvin Nix: Well, one thing that that helped me to understand the importance of talking to myself differently, I think we need to cover off on that a little bit I think it’s fundamentally.
00:37:12.060 –> 00:37:20.310
Melvin Nix: Important that everyone understands how important the actual process of believing anything.
00:37:20.790 –> 00:37:31.470
Melvin Nix: Is you know when when we talk about beliefs, most people don’t understand what you believe governs your entire existence and when you have a mindset.
00:37:31.860 –> 00:37:39.270
Melvin Nix: That really has been given to you from you know your upbringing and all your life experiences it hasn’t been intentional.
00:37:39.570 –> 00:37:48.150
Melvin Nix: it’s been about just kind of what you’ve absorbed in your environment, and we have a tendency to just become conditioned to be you know what that looks like to us.
00:37:48.510 –> 00:37:59.460
Melvin Nix: Rather than understanding everything that I do, how I respond to people how I work how I think it’s all based on what I believe and what you believe.
00:38:00.120 –> 00:38:07.890
Melvin Nix: Really hinges upon what you’ve allowed to be stored into your subconscious and when I talk about things getting stored into your subconscious think about this.
00:38:08.370 –> 00:38:20.310
Melvin Nix: Every time, if you look at YouTube or TV, there are commercials that are on there, day in and day out, and sometimes when you watch a program you’ll see the same commercial three or four times.
00:38:20.730 –> 00:38:25.920
Melvin Nix: And, most of us may get annoyed and we don’t think about the fact that the people in marketing.
00:38:26.490 –> 00:38:36.390
Melvin Nix: Understand that in order for me to get buyers I need to sow seed into the subconscious of the audience so that whenever they think about whenever they have.
00:38:36.720 –> 00:38:42.540
Melvin Nix: You know, various sickness or when they think about they want to go out to dinner or inexperienced that they may want to have.
00:38:42.960 –> 00:38:46.530
Melvin Nix: I need to be the first thing that comes to mind, so what i’m going to do is.
00:38:46.890 –> 00:38:55.890
Melvin Nix: i’m going to craft a commercial that involves all of their emotions that gets them excited that gets them wrapped in and i’m going to just broadcast it over and over and over again.
00:38:56.250 –> 00:39:01.950
Melvin Nix: Because they understand that the more we give attention to something it’s like a seed being sewn into soil.
00:39:02.430 –> 00:39:11.910
Melvin Nix: And it goes into our subconscious and through repetition our subconscious if we don’t decide to rule it out we’ll start to produce.
00:39:12.540 –> 00:39:20.340
Melvin Nix: You know the results of what we’ve been sowing into ourselves, and so, when I understood that principle I started making sure that.
00:39:20.790 –> 00:39:29.430
Melvin Nix: in every way that I possibly could I hit my senses with things that remind me of what I want, so I take the visual aspect, and I do vision boards.
00:39:29.940 –> 00:39:39.690
Melvin Nix: I listened, I listened to you know various speakers and Ted talks and things of that nature that remind me about human possibility in the fact that I can in fact.
00:39:40.140 –> 00:39:58.230
Melvin Nix: build the life that I want, if I take the right actions that are inspired according to my purpose, so I do think that intentionally feed my subconscious the kind of information and data that I want, so that what I put in me outweighs what everything else is putting in me.
00:39:59.220 –> 00:40:13.620
Steve Werner: awesome that’s a good good way to look at it, I mean I definitely I I always try to have positive either positive podcasts or positive speeches I have a couple speeches i’ve listened to, like there’s a Jim rowan one that I probably listen to a couple hundred times like.
00:40:13.620 –> 00:40:25.110
Steve Werner: Just he’s awesome yeah I mean it’s just the I put them on when i’m running or like if i’m doing something in the House, because your subconscious mind does pick up on it and it’s way better than having the news or commercials or some other.
00:40:25.740 –> 00:40:36.510
Steve Werner: You know crap that is feeding you negativity and and pain, so I want to talk to you a little bit about the resources that you have available, and I want you to just walk us through what that is.
00:40:37.620 –> 00:40:45.870
Steve Werner: These are in the show notes, so if you want to pick up what melvin is offering make sure you go to the show notes melvin tell us a little bit about the resources that you have.
00:40:46.500 –> 00:40:56.040
Melvin Nix: Okay anyone that would like to get in touch with me can go to my website new you calm and it’s spelled P and E you.
00:40:56.490 –> 00:41:06.120
Melvin Nix: y O u.com and I know that that’s a weird word for new but I play off of the the Greek translation of the word spirit which is Newman.
00:41:06.930 –> 00:41:18.540
Melvin Nix: So if you go to New you calm on the resources tab there is a document that i’ve put together called signs and signals that help you to identify if you are in alignment with your purpose.
00:41:18.960 –> 00:41:25.710
Melvin Nix: I believe that most of us ignore those signs and symptoms, when we think about our lives, for example, in my personal life.
00:41:26.250 –> 00:41:33.600
Melvin Nix: I have worked a job and put all of my creativity all of my energy and everything into it, but that job was killing me.
00:41:33.960 –> 00:41:51.120
Melvin Nix: I felt stuck like I couldn’t go anywhere, I felt like all of my progress on that job has stopped and I felt like I had to make multiple detours with things that I tried to do you know, I was in leadership, so all the programs, I tried to implement so going through that process.
00:41:52.410 –> 00:42:04.020
Melvin Nix: And thinking about various times in my life, where I have had to make adjustments in my life to get me where I am today, I went ahead and put together a document that may be helpful to anyone who’s wanting to know.
00:42:05.520 –> 00:42:17.880
Melvin Nix: How to find a purpose and key indicators that may be letting them know right now that they’re not working walking in their purpose, so if they go to that tab they can download that, for they just put their email address in and i’ll send it to them for free.
00:42:18.720 –> 00:42:29.400
Steve Werner: awesome guys, that is in the description in the show notes so make sure you go check out the resources, I mean knowing whether or not you’re in your purpose, I think a lot of people question that right.
00:42:29.580 –> 00:42:34.830
Steve Werner: They start moving somewhere things get a little painful maybe they get outside of their comfort zone having.
00:42:35.520 –> 00:42:41.160
Steve Werner: Something that can show them, whether or not they are going in the right direction or not is a huge huge benefit.
00:42:42.000 –> 00:42:53.790
Steve Werner: Well melvin I wanted to say thank you so much for coming on it has been awesome chatting with you and hearing about your journey and hearing about the things that you’ve done to change your life around and how you’ve helped other people.
00:42:54.240 –> 00:42:56.880
Steve Werner: Do you have anything to say before we cut this down.
00:42:57.930 –> 00:43:04.710
Melvin Nix: First of all, Steve I just want to say thank you for the opportunity has been a pleasure speaking with you and i’ve really enjoyed this conversation.
00:43:05.520 –> 00:43:14.190
Melvin Nix: What i’d like to leave with the audience is if we think in terms of the last couple of years with coven and how it has changed the world and how being in quarantine.
00:43:14.550 –> 00:43:21.660
Melvin Nix: has caused us all to relook at you know our life look at our efforts pay attention to our families and just kind of see where we are.
00:43:22.050 –> 00:43:28.800
Melvin Nix: I think the time now has stimulated within each and every one of us, the desire to change because.
00:43:29.130 –> 00:43:35.640
Melvin Nix: The world has changed, and in order to stay in the world and stay relevant, we have to change with the times so.
00:43:35.970 –> 00:43:45.930
Melvin Nix: In terms of thinking about all of those different things you know when you have those life questions begin to look inside and see what resonates with you and get on the path.
00:43:46.350 –> 00:43:53.640
Melvin Nix: To discovering what your purpose is and know that no one can tell you what your purpose is your purpose is already on the inside of you.
00:43:53.970 –> 00:44:02.520
Melvin Nix: You just have to give yourself the permission to look within and follow it, I like to always you know, think of life we’ve heard that life is a race.
00:44:02.940 –> 00:44:11.790
Melvin Nix: But what comes with the race is competition, it has a time limit on it, and we can enjoy ourselves so I like to think more about life being a journey.
00:44:12.120 –> 00:44:20.970
Melvin Nix: When you’re on the journey usually it’s enjoyable you get to learn and explore things and you get to grow from that exploration, so I believe that if you give yourself permission.
00:44:21.360 –> 00:44:27.390
Melvin Nix: to explore your purpose and look at your life as a journey that you will begin to make some remarkable changes in your.
00:44:29.550 –> 00:44:47.040
Steve Werner: awesome I think so too well, thank you so much for being on and to everybody else until next time guys take action change as I mess it up that’s the first time i’ve ever messed it up till next time guys take action change lives and make money we’ll see you soon.