Dana Humphrey: How to make a postive hard pivot after the pandemic.

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Steve Werner

Steve Werner

Keynote Speaker, Author, 170+ Monetization, Conversion, and One to Many Sales Presentations Worldwide.

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Steve Werner: Welcome back to grow your impact income and influence the number one show helping you reach millions, today we are going to be talking about.

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Steve Werner: kind of all three of them a little bit of the impact definitely some of the income but more about what goes on inside of you, and making you the best person that you can be.

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Steve Werner: My guest today has one of the coolest stories i’ve ever heard she’s known as the pet lady for the last eight years she’s been building an amazing business helping people with pets she’s been featured on all the major news networks she’s had her own TV show.

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Steve Werner: But when the pandemic hit if you guys remember everybody had to pivot well she got stuck in Guatemala, for three months, she wrote a book completely rewrote a book for being completely honest all about how to overcome dependent codependency.

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Steve Werner: Because that’s what the pandemic brought out in her life, and she knew that she had to pivot her entire business and go in a whole new direction now she is helping people break the codependent cycle Dana how are you doing today.

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Dana Humphrey: hey Steve i’m doing great thanks so much for that great introduction.

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Steve Werner: No problem, it is my pleasure, so I mean that’s a pretty crazy story like we know a lot of people pivoted during the pandemic they made some changes, you know they started showing up in their Boxer shorts to work.

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Steve Werner: Maybe getting up a little bit later, you got trapped in Guatemala, you were the pet lady you had a hugely high successful business.

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Steve Werner: And you decided to take a hard pivot into codependency which I think most people would be like where did that come from i’m gonna let you take this away where did all of this start for you and tell us, I guess the name of your book, I guess, I should start there may all beings be fed.

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Steve Werner: That wasn’t the original title right.

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Dana Humphrey: Now wasn’t um I don’t know there’s i’m not sure where to begin but um yeah the I guess i’ve been an entrepreneur for very long time, I started my first company back in 2007 and i’m originally from the west coast and.

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Dana Humphrey: I was um i’ll just start from the very beginning.

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Steve Werner: sure.

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Dana Humphrey: A very good place to start um I grew up in California and I was going to San Diego State University getting a degree in public relations and my parents were moving to Thailand, and so our family pug Winston moved in with me.

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Dana Humphrey: So I finished my PR degree, I was looking for a job and I ended up applying for a PR position at a tech company when I got the job.

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Dana Humphrey: And so I got to bring Winston to work with me, so I kind of got set into the pet industry and started working with all kinds of pet experts worked with.

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Dana Humphrey: pet behavior expert art and more and she would come to the store and do what meatballs and all kinds of amazing things and Dolby yoga and.

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Dana Humphrey: And then I quit and I moved to New York City in 2007 and that’s when I started like a PR and that’s a PR firm specializing in the pet industry.

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Dana Humphrey: And then through that process along the way, having different clients and seeing different needs in the marketplace I started a trade show with a business partner, called the nyc females and sales pet Expo basically a trade show in the pet industry in New York City.

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Dana Humphrey: And then started doing TV segments talking about tips and tricks for pet owners and.

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Dana Humphrey: position myself as the pet lady got the trademark was doing TV segments all across the country I was traveling so much pretty much every single day.

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Dana Humphrey: I was on a train or a plane a boat an airplane going to set going to fox or ABC or NBC or CBS doing some kind of TV segment talking about you know Halloween pet fashion or whatever.

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Dana Humphrey: Then I then I started teaching I started teaching marketing it fit I started teaching in the pet prod product marketing department I I also teach at Baruch college and.

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Dana Humphrey: So that was that’s all my marketing stuff and all my pet industry stuff and i’ve been in the industry, for a long time and then.

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Dana Humphrey: In March of 2020 I was flying to Guatemala to go to a retreat.

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Dana Humphrey: And I was actually supposed to fly in March 18 on march 14 I went to yoga I came home, I went on Facebook, I saw that Guatemala was about to close its borders to all North Americans.

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Dana Humphrey: And I said no wait, I want to go, I still need to go my retreat mitre cheats still happening, I want to go, so I called my airline.

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Dana Humphrey: And they said sure can you get to the important an hour and I said yes, I was already packed I was super excited for it.

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Dana Humphrey: You know, and if you can think about back to March 2020 like we didn’t know we didn’t you know we didn’t know it’s going to be this huge thing that it that it became right.

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Dana Humphrey: So I thought you know sure there’ll be an impact for a week or two with this whole thing and then life will go back to whatever so march 14 I fly to Guatemala, I was the last flight to arrive in the country.

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Dana Humphrey: And then basically slowly, as I was there I just had more laughs every day, I was like on the last bus, that was a bit available to ride in the country, it has like the last meal at a restaurant.

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Dana Humphrey: And finally, I made it to my destination within Guatemala, I took a boat taxi I get off and like make it to the retreat i’m so happy i’m waving and everybody like yeah and made it.

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Dana Humphrey: And they’re like you need to leave right now and i’m like no i’m Dana I made it i’m here from New York i’m here for their tree and they’re like you know you, you have to leave you cannot be here.

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Dana Humphrey: And the venue was not allowing any more people on to the grounds, so I ended up going to this little small town in San Marcos and Guatemala 500% town and.

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Dana Humphrey: I ended up getting the SI P stuck in Paradise there for about three months and.

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Dana Humphrey: at the last minute, when I was leaving I decided to grab my laptop I had originally planned, just to go for like 10 days you know be on this retreat and then come and take a little vacation.

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Dana Humphrey: And at the last second I grabbed my laptop i’m so grateful that I did because I had time while I was there to really work on my book and.

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Dana Humphrey: So I have personally had a book deal for book called adventures, with the pet lady and it’s supposed to be a hardcover.

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Dana Humphrey: Coffee table book short and sweet little infographics how to take care of your pet so I did write that book and I just never turned it in I never gave it to the publisher because I wasn’t like a hell, yes to it, and so, then I kind of changed my thesis into this like really complicated.

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Dana Humphrey: almost like a term paper or thesis about codependency and pets and wrote that and then I had a few people you know, look at it, for me and check it out and just kind of complicated.

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Dana Humphrey: And from there, I got really honest with myself, while I was in Guatemala, that I wanted to write a memoir and that’s really where the book was born, I had time to time to write a time to think about what stories, I wanted to tell and.

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Dana Humphrey: yeah while I was in Guatemala and lived with 11 other people, they were all strangers, none of us knew each other, we were all in the same situation we’d all flown from different parts of the world to come to this retreat and once we arrived, we were told, no, no, no, and.

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Dana Humphrey: And so we lived in Community for for three months, and it was such a beautiful experience and during that time I shaved my head, I really as a.

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Dana Humphrey: promise or declaration to myself to not be a marketer anymore, and to not spend my life force energy marketing other people’s products and helping companies, improve their bottom line and really.

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Dana Humphrey: Get true on my purpose of helping people that are struggling to codependency to live a better life and.

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Dana Humphrey: Part along the way you know, I was, I was in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder and realize through my research around that.

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Dana Humphrey: That the the same side of the different side of the same coin narcissism and codependency.

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Dana Humphrey: So I spent a lot of time researching about narcissism and pointing the finger and blaming like Oh yes, how bad are they.

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Dana Humphrey: And I really had to get honest with myself and turn the finger around and say okay what’s happening here and codependency is can be a hard pill to swallow, and I think it’s something that is very prevalent today.

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Dana Humphrey: And you know i’ve been on my own journey to kind of heal my own codependency and I write my stories in my memoir and i’m i’m happy to coach people about that.

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Steve Werner: I mean that is like that’s a huge story, just like.

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Steve Werner: i’m a successful marketing person who started a business, I just want to point this out you like glanced over it, I started a business in 2007 going into the toughest economy.

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Steve Werner: The world has seen and you were successful, then you’re flying all over the place, and most people if you ask them, that would be the dream i’m traveling all over i’m on TV i’m well known, I have an Expo.

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Steve Werner: And then the pandemic serves up yearly cited to the retreat you get there, and the pandemic serves up.

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Steve Werner: hey go live with 11 people that you’ve never met in a third world country with a laptop and probably like one shower for all of you.

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Steve Werner: And you’re like okay and i’m going to shave my head, because I want to make a commitment.

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Steve Werner: That, although I obviously like marketing, that was not my dream in life, I just kind of got sucked into it, which I think is what the pandemic differ a lot of people gave them the space and the time to be like what what am I doing Why am I.

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Steve Werner: Why am I doing this right, and now we see people kind of going back that direction it’s really interesting that’s a topic for another day so Okay, how did what I want to know.

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Steve Werner: codependency with pets codependency with people all of that came to the forefront in your mind and first off, I want to like give you the best round of applause like I.

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Steve Werner: Like victim mentality, where you’re pointing fingers at everybody else is the easiest thing to do, and it is the least helpful.

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Steve Werner: There is one thing I could remove from the world, it would be the ability to blame anybody else for your problems it always starts with us and you took responsibility for that you saw that.

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Steve Werner: So is it codependency with pets, is it with people is it both talk to me a little bit about like what was your moment in Guatemala, where you were like Oh, my goodness, this is me.

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Steve Werner: Because I had to be a big revelation.

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Dana Humphrey: So um so pets dogs and cats specifically are dependent on us, just like children, they are dependence Okay, they.

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Dana Humphrey: we’ve decided that Doug here kitty is going to come live with us and they’re going to be in our House so they’re no longer in nature, where they can fend for themselves.

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Dana Humphrey: And now we need to fight for them, we need to give them food, we need to give them water, we need to give them shelter because that’s kind of the agreement where we’re in of saying like hey you’re going to be my pet now.

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Dana Humphrey: So um where I see the issue is where where there’s a codependency right like the pet should be dependent on us, we should not be dependent on them.

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Dana Humphrey: And so, this is something that happens, you know in our society, a lot is that you’ll hear Maybe someone has a family member that passes away or a loved one that passes away, and they are feeling sad right oh go, you should get a dog and it’s and it’s.

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Dana Humphrey: that’s just one example, but this happens, a lot of like oh you’re you know, having some difficult challenging feelings, you know get a get a dog they’ll show you on unconditional love and so now, it becomes a we are becoming dependent on them because we’re not like.

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Dana Humphrey: honoring our own emotional needs and taking responsibility for ourselves, and so I see this, you know as the pet industry continues to grow.

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Dana Humphrey: I see this happening more and more is like there’s this kind of like catchy phrase out there, like dog is my co pilot well I like to challenge you like yeah How does your dog have a cat like i’m not i’m pro you know, being a pet parent but i’m.

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Dana Humphrey: Like just be careful and watch like are you substituting human interaction with animal interaction because it’s easier.

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Dana Humphrey: Like i’d like to encourage people to get back into the extreme sport of human relating.

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Dana Humphrey: and deal with our own problems, and like be able to be with each other and talk things out then just avoid people and say no that’s too hard that’s too scary that’s to whatever and i’m just going to bring my dog everywhere, with me and they’re going to be.

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Dana Humphrey: My my companion my spouse my loved one my everything and it’s it, you know I think it’s.

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Dana Humphrey: we’ve become comfortable letting them letting our our animals kind of take this this spot of like best friend or partner, and you know i’m kind of saying like well no like they’re your dog they’re dependent on you.

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Steve Werner: that’s a I mean you’re kind of preaching to the choir a little bit I mean i’ve seen I can talk about like three or four like.

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Steve Werner: Examples of seeing that like I remember 15 years ago you would never see a dog in a store with somebody you wouldn’t see a dog at a restaurant with somebody you wouldn’t see a dog on the plane with somebody.

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Steve Werner: But now, there are people that are literally like oh they’re my emotional support animal like I hate to say this, but if you.

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Steve Werner: Have that and that is your crutch you are like you’re giving up your power and you’re giving up like that’s what I see like you’re just making yourself like oh no I need this thing to like pet and like.

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Steve Werner: Take care of and if I don’t I get really anxious like you’re making like you can learn to survive without that and I think I see to your point, like a lot of people don’t want the like sometimes human interaction can be messy right.

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Steve Werner: It can be uncomfortable you can have arguments with somebody like even your best friend, you might not always see is your best friend, you might have some arguments might have some disagreements, you might.

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Steve Werner: Whatever Oh, but my dog is never going to talk back to me, and I can personify them and put all the emotions on them and they’re perfect and now my life is perfect, and I can pet the dog like that’s.

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Steve Werner: That that’s what I hear you saying, and I see that and I agree with you i’m like i’m actually i’ve not gone on dates, with people.

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Steve Werner: Based on like we’ll talk a little bit and they start talking a bunch about their pet and taking care of them I like i’m probably not a good idea, like.

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Steve Werner: that’s it’s dangerous I think anyway tell me more about how did this come to be in Guatemala like was did you was your animal in New York was this something you saw on yourself talk to me a little bit about that.

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Dana Humphrey: Well um I guess about about two years before I went to Guatemala, I ended a relationship with someone, as I said before, who, who I believe has narcissism narcissistic personality disorder.

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Dana Humphrey: And so I really started looking at the DCM five DSM five looking at personality disorders, looking at.

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Dana Humphrey: Like what’s going on here and my patterns and and then with the discovery of deciding this person was a narcissist like Oh, the other relationships, they had before that we’re also probably not that healthy and what’s the common denominator here me.

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Dana Humphrey: So um yeah I was like doing a lot of inner work and doing a lot of research and just.

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Dana Humphrey: So I guess it was kind of like a work in progress that I was deciding these things, and at the time I didn’t have a pad I actually came home from I went to Guatemala, being a dog lover and I came home from Guatemala, being a cat lover.

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Dana Humphrey: And so, when, as soon as I got home from Guatemala, I actually adopted two cats and everyone in my life was like what’s going on, I thought you were a dog person and.

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Dana Humphrey: You know and that’s that’s a whole nother part of this like philosophy, I had about codependency and pets about like introvert extrovert like cat person dog person and.

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Dana Humphrey: Basically I fell in love with a cat That was our neighbor’s cat while I was living in Guatemala, I had never really known about cats before and.

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Dana Humphrey: So that was, I would say, was like the main like change that happened there um and I think that the ideas I had were kind of brewing for a while, but once I was in Guatemala, had the time and space to.

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Dana Humphrey: You know just write everything down and.

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Dana Humphrey: yeah in the House in Guatemala, you know, we had somehow one of our housemates was the it director from Israel and so he managed to get us like I don’t know all the wi fi like we had we had, otherwise I was amazing all 12 of us could be online video conference calls and it was like working.

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Dana Humphrey: So my office was a sleeping bag in the yard, like, I found my little spot, I had a grass little plot I had my sleeping bag and people knew, when I was sitting there like I was working because we didn’t have space to all be inside, or else it would be way too noisy so um.

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Dana Humphrey: yeah I wanna.

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Steve Werner: I want to ask like how did you guys like you were all going into the same retreat, how did you find a place to rent like i’m just like all the questions of logistics like.

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Steve Werner: I will go to a hospital but i’m not going to spend three months in a hostel like what.

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Steve Werner: Like were you guys, just like let’s get a House like I know this is kind of outside of codependency but how did like 11 of you end up in a place together.

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Dana Humphrey: So the retrievers was me one week um.

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Steve Werner: How many people.

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Dana Humphrey: i’m not sure how many people were actually supposed to be at the tree probably like 30 but the 11th us actually had said Kobe Kobe Kobe and we’re coming whatever we made it some people left you know, these were like the last of us who were there and.

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Dana Humphrey: So the retreat was seven days, and then there was going to be like a weekend party at this House, so we had already rented the House for three days.

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Dana Humphrey: And it was actually like this really amazing house that usually the rent out for weddings so we live there for the three days, and then we contacted the landlord and we were like well you know there’s like no.

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Dana Humphrey: there’s no transportation, like the lakes closed the took two X our clothes like there’s literally no movement happening at all.

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Dana Humphrey: You know everything’s locked down, I mean Guatemala, was one of the first countries that said, you know no like everybody locked down they knew they were not prepared and they.

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Dana Humphrey: Like we had a curfew every day at 4pm so also the town was afraid of US here’s a 500 person town in the middle of Guatemala with 12 foreigners during coven and they’re like.

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Dana Humphrey: they’re they’re worried about us and I, you know, I think that that was a fair assessment so they actually came and took our vitals every single morning.

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Dana Humphrey: So every morning, our team from the from the health Center would come and take our temperature our blood pressure, our.

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Dana Humphrey: I don’t know some some other sign and keep track of us, and so we were only allowed to send one person per day outside between the hours of like I don’t know 11am and 4pm to get groceries, and so there was a lot of logistics, there was a lot of.

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Steve Werner: I mean.

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Steve Werner: It sounds it sounds crazy, but it also sounds like you guys made it work and you had some big takeaways so.

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Steve Werner: I want to kind of transition from the story I just knew I could hear people asking like How does that work.

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Steve Werner: I want to transition to a little bit more talk about codependence so if somebody’s listening to this and they’re like well I don’t know what what makes somebody codependent what’s one or two signs that you could see.

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Steve Werner: that people can see, in themselves, maybe, or that they should look for like warning signs.

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Steve Werner: What what should they be looking for.

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Dana Humphrey: So i’m you kind of touched on this earlier people that have anxiety and neurotic behaviors like triple checking things.

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Dana Humphrey: Maybe perfectionist behavior where you are afraid to kind of put yourself out there, put your work out there, unless it’s totally perfect.

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Dana Humphrey: There could be some addictions.

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Dana Humphrey: Externally focused so you’re like more interested in like out how the outside perceives you versus how you perceive yourself.

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Dana Humphrey: there’s like this want for validation from the outside and constantly kind of thinking like how am I, being perceived like How does this, how does this show up.

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Dana Humphrey: People pleasing kind of along the same lines.

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Dana Humphrey: Maybe endlessly giving and then expect in a way, you know, like codependency and narcissism are are together, because actually.

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Dana Humphrey: endlessly giving is manipulative as well it’s like this, having this subconscious expectation that Oh, if I given given given give at some point they’re going to get back to me.

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Dana Humphrey: versus just like Oh, I have this thing that I can share with somebody and giving it and having it be a true gift to them.

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Dana Humphrey: So any kind of giving with expectation is.

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Dana Humphrey: kind of gets a little murky with that um but yeah I would say Oh, and also sometimes people feel like they’re invisible like they’re not they don’t, no one can see them like they’re not they don’t feel seen, and that is because they don’t see them.

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Steve Werner: Right.

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Dana Humphrey: that’s first yeah that’s, the first thing.

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Steve Werner: Well they’re looking for, I mean.

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Steve Werner: I think everything that you’ve said is awesome and they get points directly to it, what they’re really looking for.

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Steve Werner: Those people is they don’t feel high self worth they’re lacking self esteem and they’re looking to get it from somebody else, and I mean, I guess, I can see, with a pet.

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Steve Werner: you’re providing everything for that pet and then you start placing their voice right and you’re like Oh, they love me oh they’re taking care of me Oh, they can’t live without me and like before you know you’ve created this like weird.

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Steve Werner: Space in your mind right.

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Dana Humphrey: So a lot of what you’re talking about anthropomorphism it’s like applying human characteristic to our animals right like when you say like.

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Dana Humphrey: Oh, they must be thinking this or they meant yeah they’re saying this it’s like we don’t know, we have no idea what how their thoughts work right but or placing like oh they’re gonna or like.

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Dana Humphrey: I like fish flavor I don’t like chicken, so my cats are gonna like fish better right these weird like things come up with.

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Dana Humphrey: And I think that for someone who, who is codependent having something to take care of actually can be a healthy thing.

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Dana Humphrey: So that you’re not again like seeking that so much from another person like Let me take care of you in this expectation that you’re going to take care of me, it can be healthy, to have you know someone.

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Dana Humphrey: like a dog that you have to go outside every single day, maybe that is what gets you out of house and gets you some exercise and and i’d like to invite you to like do that for yourself right like.

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Dana Humphrey: When you say yourself to like decide, yes, I need exercise and i’m going to go do that for myself and not have it be for this other thing.

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Steve Werner: that’s I mean I like it so talk to me about what is something that you hear people say all the time around, either narcissism or codependency.

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Steve Werner: That you’re just like no that’s not true because you’ve obviously done a lot of research and you’ve thought.

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Steve Werner: I mean you had three months to sit and think about it, and it totally shifted the entire focus of your life in your business what is something that you want to set the record straight.

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Steve Werner: I mean i’ve heard i’ve heard so many different things, I mean the first one is like the whole victim thing right like oh they’re in our solar system there in our system hired like somebody called Tony robbins a narcissist right i’ve heard, and I was like why.

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Steve Werner: Is he likes to talk about himself well, he is somebody who talks on stage.

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Steve Werner: And he is somebody who points at people, but I don’t think he’s he has a good ego I would say that, but I don’t think he braces into.

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Steve Werner: narcissism which is like completely unhealthy and taking advantage of other people and expecting everything I think he has very little expectation of other people I think he’s willing to push people I don’t know if that’s helpful but what’s what’s something that you would.

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Steve Werner: You would point out like.

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Dana Humphrey: there’s I think there’s an important distinction that you brought up, though, because there is something like narcissistic personality disorder which is like.

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Dana Humphrey: There has to be five out of 10 characteristics that the person has and then there’s this narcissistic tree, which, like every single person can have a narcissistic treat at one point or another and it’s not all bad it’s not all whatever.

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Dana Humphrey: I just thought of something in it, I lost it again Oh, I know okay so um.

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Dana Humphrey: The there’s a book called the subtle art of not giving up yes on the show.

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Steve Werner: You can, if you want.

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Dana Humphrey: So there’s a book called the subtle art of not giving a Fuck and so um so I feel like this idea, sometimes gets.

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Dana Humphrey: gets a little a little weird with people have um, but I think that that’s how I think it’s actually really healthy to to not you know not give.

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Dana Humphrey: not give a crap right if you’re really not focused on external validation and you’re focused on internal validation then you’re not caring as much about what other people think and.

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Steve Werner: I think that is really healthy.

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Steve Werner: Like if you I mean you shouldn’t I don’t think you should go out and like needlessly hurt people with your actions, but I don’t think you should do things, based on what they’re going to do or not do.

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Steve Werner: Right like if you enter a situation, I remember I don’t.

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Steve Werner: sometime in high school I don’t know if it was a guidance counselor speaker told us not like, he was like you should never do something, based on.

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Steve Werner: The reaction that you’re going to get or trying to manipulate people, you should do what you’re going to do what you feel like doing.

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Steve Werner: If you think it’s going to hurt somebody then maybe you should rethink your actions, because you should never go out trying to harm.

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Steve Werner: Right, but at the same time you shouldn’t if you think about every little thing that you’re going to do, you can always find a reason to not do anything that’s going to create anxiety then you’re going to be shut down.

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Dana Humphrey: yeah I think there’s.

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Dana Humphrey: Right and it’s actually impossible to predict what the outcome of anything is ever going to be because.

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Dana Humphrey: Every single person has different thoughts ideas words you know emotional place that they’re in at that moment, when you do it or say it so like trying to predict the outcome is also trying to control the situation which again is like I put a penetrate.

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Steve Werner: yeah the I mean you can’t control everything.

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Steve Werner: You can only control yourself.

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Steve Werner: Your reactions and how you deal with things.

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Steve Werner: i’m Dana this has been a great show like it’s been a pretty wild journey it’s pretty fun.

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Steve Werner: If people wanted to learn more about you, we are linking the Amazon page, for your book may all beings be fed down below.

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Steve Werner: you’re holding it up on the screen as well if you’re watching some video, you can see what the cover looks like if people want to reach out and get in contact with us the best place on Facebook, where, should they find you.

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Dana Humphrey: Sure um so you can find me on my website it’s www dot Dana humphrey.com.

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Dana Humphrey: i’m also on instagram at Dana K Humphrey and i’m also on social media on Facebook i’m at Dana Humphrey life coaching.

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Steve Werner: awesome we will link those down below, along with the book, I just want to say thank you so much for being amazing guests and sharing your journey with us.

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Dana Humphrey: Thank you.

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Steve Werner: No problem to everybody else out there until next time take action change lives and make money we’ll see you soon.

 

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