Craig Brown: How He Used His Pain, Mistakes And Failures As A Catalyst To Improve his Life.

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Steve Werner

Steve Werner

Keynote Speaker, Author, 170+ Monetization, Conversion, and One to Many Sales Presentations Worldwide.

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00:00:04.589 –> 00:00:12.929
Steve Werner: Welcome back to grow your impact income and influence the number one show for monetization reaching millions of people.

00:00:13.170 –> 00:00:18.000
Steve Werner: Changing your life, and today I have something that is a little bit different is awesome.

00:00:18.300 –> 00:00:30.360
Steve Werner: Craig Brown is joining us and Craig has a book coming out it’s called stop hiding start healing from cocaine to freedom we’re going to talk about that here in a second, but if you.

00:00:30.570 –> 00:00:41.070
Steve Werner: suffer from imposter syndrome, if you have a bunch of shame you’re constantly telling people that you are something different than you are, or maybe you have a hard time putting yourself out there.

00:00:41.580 –> 00:00:46.650
Steve Werner: I have a feeling today’s podcast is going to be for you Craig welcome to the show how are you doing.

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Craig: Steve i’m great, thank you for having me.

00:00:50.070 –> 00:01:06.450
Steve Werner: No problem I am super excited um we’re going to jump into it, so this journey started for you around 30 years ago when cocaine was definitely in its heyday I remember watching cocaine cowboys I don’t know if you ever saw that.

00:01:08.220 –> 00:01:10.080
Craig: I know all of them yeah yeah.

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Steve Werner: So i’m gonna let you like, where did this all start for you.

00:01:14.220 –> 00:01:32.550
Craig: um it’s well that’s a great question that’s a great question, like all of us we couldn’t choose our family right that we were born into and a lot of us had interesting situations in that family life, I my dad was a minister.

00:01:34.200 –> 00:01:39.600
Craig: Our family always had to be on I was one of those preachers kids that had a reputation.

00:01:40.830 –> 00:01:46.170
Craig: My sisters and I grew up in that let’s make let’s make Father brown look real good.

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Craig: and always be on even though we’re in pain and we hate this and we don’t want anything to do with it, but now we’re going to make dad look good.

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Craig: Our whole identity was Father Brown and my mom was a wonderful enabler who did everything to make that family look good.

00:02:05.340 –> 00:02:11.340
Craig: And it was just a bunch of pressure, you know that was put on us at a very early age, we had no identity, other than.

00:02:12.270 –> 00:02:26.100
Craig: Our father, and you know, and he was not involved really in my life at all, and so my sisters and I actually after the fact realized that we kind of brought ourselves up you know.

00:02:27.210 –> 00:02:40.230
Craig: My dad really wasn’t involved with my life I was a good athlete didn’t come to games I just had a void, you know, and I was just searching for something, and you know I just I never develop that self discipline, or that.

00:02:42.210 –> 00:02:56.370
Craig: You know there’s self control or that identity that mission or purpose early on and I searched for it and I found it, but it was not a healthy discovery, by any means.

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Steve Werner: Well, I mean.

00:02:58.380 –> 00:03:03.930
Steve Werner: I don’t know I dated a preacher’s daughter and i’ll say that she was 10 times crazier than most of the girls.

00:03:04.380 –> 00:03:19.410
Steve Werner: That I dated at the time she she had a wild streak, but I think part of that is I mean I grew up in the church as well, we went to church five times a week, we were always a church and, like you, better look good you better sit in the Pew my mom would stare at me from choir if I was misbehaving.

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Craig: Oh man.

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Steve Werner: But it was all about.

00:03:21.720 –> 00:03:38.580
Steve Werner: What what was all about the the appearance right so that’s it that gives me a good pre frame if you didn’t grow up in the church and you’re wondering what we’re talking about like when you grow up with with strict Christian parents, they want you to do be act behave a certain way.

00:03:39.090 –> 00:03:39.570
Steve Werner: Right.

00:03:39.840 –> 00:03:43.080
Steve Werner: That led to you obviously maybe not rebelling but.

00:03:43.230 –> 00:03:49.740
Steve Werner: You are you went down a different path so you woke up one day and what you’re in a hotel room with.

00:03:50.850 –> 00:03:52.770
Steve Werner: a bunch of craziness going on, like what.

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Steve Werner: How what happened next.

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Craig: well.

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Craig: Like again I you know, I was searching I wasn’t getting it at home.

00:04:04.410 –> 00:04:13.800
Craig: I didn’t have a relationship there really, and so I had to go find, and so I started drinking in high school, you know go to the parties and what have you.

00:04:14.280 –> 00:04:36.810
Craig: I graduated from high school and it was the first time in my life, where I had independence and I was set free and I went off to college and I spent the entire year at the party and that’s really where my pit of hell began, and I just went down a path that was self destructive.

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Craig: You know I blamed everybody else, including God and I didn’t take any responsibility whatsoever and I ended up now dropped out of college and I came back home in Washington DC.

00:04:50.010 –> 00:05:00.270
Craig: And I started working at a local bar and the bar happened Bo own by the the biggest cocaine dealer on the east coast at that time.

00:05:00.630 –> 00:05:09.090
Craig: Now if you’re familiar at all the early 80s all over the country cocaine was absolutely dominant and every party lifestyle.

00:05:09.660 –> 00:05:18.960
Craig: And so I ended up with this business as a bar restaurant he owned it ran a major drug trade, major drug trade and I got sucked up into that drug world.

00:05:19.380 –> 00:05:28.860
Craig: And cocaine alcohol, you name it i’m not we don’t have time to share all the graphic details and I won’t, but it was absolutely horrible.

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Craig: And I ended up in the pit of hell, for a number of years, I was one of those you know i’m in it and i’m looking around going what am I doing here.

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Craig: But at the same time I keep using and I keep the cycle going I love what you’re describing as the imposter I was a total posture man, I was hiding from everything everything.

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Craig: And I just and I was in that environment until that time came, or the Epiphany happened at a number of years later, and I realized, I was either going to die or be on this path of destruction for the rest of my life and I better do something to change.

00:06:06.990 –> 00:06:10.230
Steve Werner: Well, I want to, I want to point out something that you said in there that.

00:06:10.890 –> 00:06:23.820
Steve Werner: You didn’t take any responsibility you didn’t take responsibility for your problems in college you didn’t take responsibility for being stuck in a lot of bad situation right like it’s one thing to work at a bar I worked at a bar manager restaurants.

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Steve Werner: On nothing wrong with that at all, but then there are things that happen, and you have to either take responsibility and say that’s not that’s what I want for my life or that’s what I don’t want.

00:06:33.660 –> 00:06:44.130
Steve Werner: So, what was the moment where you had the Epiphany where you were like I mean for lack of a better term I think a lot of people call it the the come to Jesus moment I don’t know if that’s exactly what it was, but.

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Craig: wow that.

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Craig: That came, seven years after the fifth actually.

00:06:50.160 –> 00:07:09.660
Craig: Come to Jesus, and that was that was absolutely overpowering and miraculous that happened, but my first Epiphany was I again chat my first chapter of the book The pain in my life was greater than my fear of changing.

00:07:10.680 –> 00:07:19.680
Craig: and pain was just unbearable night just other shame the guilt, the trauma everything i’ve been through car wrecks in the hospital.

00:07:20.070 –> 00:07:34.980
Craig: guns pulled on me, I mean it was just absolutely one situation after that, and then in about 1985 I came to that realization that if I didn’t change, I was going to end up dead or on this life destruction for the rest.

00:07:35.010 –> 00:07:35.580
Steve Werner: Was there.

00:07:35.850 –> 00:07:39.540
Steve Werner: I mean was there a moment that like did you wake up in a hospital bed, did you.

00:07:39.600 –> 00:07:40.440
Steve Werner: Know somebody’s.

00:07:40.860 –> 00:07:41.460
Steve Werner: Gone on you like.

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Craig: Believe it or not, I was driving back to the beach been up for three days, we have a party and I was coming up route 50 if you’re on the east coast or Maryland coming back beaches.

00:07:55.200 –> 00:08:08.220
Craig: route 50 and I was just on route 50 and I just had that overwhelming Epiphany and what what we don’t realize the a lot of people don’t realize that God god’s hand is on us.

00:08:08.940 –> 00:08:20.250
Craig: At all times is there, we don’t realize it, though we don’t realize it until we get to that point where we do cry out say come in and take over my life.

00:08:20.970 –> 00:08:33.750
Craig: So I didn’t do it, then, but I did he he was he was there and I thought I did it myself, so I extricate myself from that whole drug lifestyle and drinking and everything, and I was clean.

00:08:34.200 –> 00:08:39.540
Craig: And sober getting my life back on track for about seven years, but I was still miserable.

00:08:40.440 –> 00:08:57.600
Craig: Because the trauma the shame the emotion, the everything that I had gone through, I had dealt I was always an imposter I did I, oh no i’m not gonna deal with it too painful too painful and then the next step.

00:08:57.990 –> 00:09:08.130
Steve Werner: So talk to me okay so let’s talk about I want to talk about overcoming shame, because I feel like so many people like hide who they really are right.

00:09:08.730 –> 00:09:09.360
Steve Werner: There been.

00:09:09.780 –> 00:09:19.170
Steve Werner: If you guys are listening to this and you’re like tell me a little bit more, if you go back and you listen to the carrie cardozo podcast we talked about when you just stand up and you say you know what i’m.

00:09:19.530 –> 00:09:29.070
Steve Werner: i’m done saying like making up, who I am this is, who I am, this is what I do, and this is how I do it love me or hate me and most people love you.

00:09:29.610 –> 00:09:37.140
Steve Werner: But there’s nothing wrong with having a hater to or somebody who doesn’t disagree with you, but how did you stand up and do that, like what gave you.

00:09:38.220 –> 00:09:39.510
Steve Werner: The poise to do that.

00:09:40.110 –> 00:09:44.580
Craig: Well yeah yeah I love i’ll have to check out that podcast.

00:09:46.230 –> 00:09:51.240
Craig: Shame comes from the hell comes straight from the pit of hell.

00:09:51.780 –> 00:09:57.330
Craig: And it’s used to keep really good people in bondage and locked up for going to get help.

00:09:57.630 –> 00:10:07.350
Craig: And from going to change your life from from taking the next step to get well it just that’s how it giving it is that’s what a stronghold it is in a lot of our lives.

00:10:07.890 –> 00:10:17.490
Craig: My shane was broken, when I was, as I mentioned, seven years after that Epiphany I was at my dad’s bedside my sister called and he was dying in the hospital.

00:10:18.330 –> 00:10:35.010
Craig: And I we all rushed to be by his bedside and here’s the one guy I had no relationship with we were not plus loved him I loved him, but we did not have a deep meaningful personal nurturing relationship.

00:10:36.240 –> 00:10:50.790
Craig: But, so I the Lord brings me by his bedside and i’m standing there my entire life passes before me, literally and my dad’s going to die and i’ve made enough nothing of my life, I felt like a complete failure.

00:10:51.810 –> 00:11:00.030
Craig: So what happened was Lord here i’m brought to his bedside the one guy I long to have a relationship with and he’s going to be taken from.

00:11:00.960 –> 00:11:12.060
Craig: And it was too much the pain, the trauma the shame the guilt had built up to that point or I had where I completely surrender and the very next day.

00:11:12.600 –> 00:11:27.120
Craig: I cried out to God, I said I can’t do this anymore, I said, you have to commit take this pain from me take this burden from me come over come in and take over my life, and he did, and it was miraculous.

00:11:28.290 –> 00:11:29.310
Craig: So you but.

00:11:29.370 –> 00:11:43.530
Craig: he’s the one that can can take the shame, he is the one that’s able to reach the soul REACH and take the and shatter that shame that has our art of rap and so wrap it up.

00:11:44.340 –> 00:11:49.050
Steve Werner: we’ll talk to me a little bit, so I want to go, I mean it sounds like we’re following the course of your book.

00:11:49.470 –> 00:12:01.710
Steve Werner: um so what happened, like what did you what happened, where did you start going because you left being a bartender you left drugs and alcohol behind you and cleaned up, but you obviously didn’t feel like you were living your purpose you didn’t feel like you were.

00:12:01.770 –> 00:12:02.070
Craig: know.

00:12:02.160 –> 00:12:06.300
Steve Werner: You were moving forward so well what happens next like, how do you.

00:12:07.530 –> 00:12:08.370
Steve Werner: What happened.

00:12:09.570 –> 00:12:12.300
Craig: I well that.

00:12:13.710 –> 00:12:15.450
Craig: My whole life changed in that.

00:12:16.560 –> 00:12:18.810
Craig: After I prayed for like over and out.

00:12:19.890 –> 00:12:24.570
Craig: And it literally when I stood up, I was the day I was different Craig brown than I was when I know that.

00:12:25.620 –> 00:12:30.540
Craig: My whole perspective changed everything, so I then began my recovery.

00:12:31.560 –> 00:12:41.100
Craig: And I then was living and started on a track of now it’s fourfold mentally physically emotionally and spiritually.

00:12:41.730 –> 00:12:55.740
Craig: Okay, in every area of my life, I began to recover, I began to heal I began to be restored, I began to find my mission and purpose in life, I began, you know I began on a new track.

00:12:56.610 –> 00:13:04.320
Craig: And I went from a place of brokenness to a place of wholeness and i’ve been doing that now Steve for the last 35 years.

00:13:05.070 –> 00:13:19.500
Craig: Like 4828 of which has been you know in my on that spiritual path that relationship with the Lord bath and also 22 years in price Center recovery ministry serving in that capacity.

00:13:20.340 –> 00:13:35.850
Steve Werner: got it, so I guess i’m like people that are listening to this, because this is religions, not something we normally talk about on the show but i’m happy to happy to have you here and happy to be talking about it so i’d love to hear, because I think a lot of people.

00:13:37.260 –> 00:13:53.490
Steve Werner: Entrepreneurs out there right they have a hard time finding their voice, they have a hard time talking about things, because they feel like it’s shame right so when you when you were at your dad’s bedside you felt a lot of shame, because you felt like your life hadn’t amounted to anything.

00:13:53.940 –> 00:14:05.760
Steve Werner: Exactly, but the next day after praying for an hour nothing none of that changed right you’re not suddenly like Oh, my goodness, my life has this amazing backstory to it or anything.

00:14:05.790 –> 00:14:07.770
Craig: I had to do, I had to start to work.

00:14:08.130 –> 00:14:18.150
Steve Werner: So talk to me about doing the work, because I think that’s where people, people are like what do I do next, what do I do, how do I do it, so can do you have go ahead.

00:14:18.720 –> 00:14:20.640
Craig: I got a manual step by step, no.

00:14:21.780 –> 00:14:22.770
Craig: you’re absolutely right.

00:14:25.980 –> 00:14:33.780
Craig: Generally i’m convinced that the catalyst for people to have a major life change is a.

00:14:34.800 –> 00:14:41.880
Craig: pain is a major major catalyst shame is in their filters in their failures in their unit so.

00:14:43.140 –> 00:14:57.510
Craig: I had I had, I found a Bible believing church found were a church that where I knew listen I grew up in the church I love growing up in the Church, but I had no idea about a relationship with God.

00:14:58.200 –> 00:15:07.980
Craig: There was the 1928 prayer book really good and i’m sure there were seeds planted you know, but they didn’t come to fruition until I had to make the decision.

00:15:08.880 –> 00:15:18.810
Craig: Based on my trauma I paid etc, but I that’s when I began to recover, and that means I was first time in my life honest with myself.

00:15:19.530 –> 00:15:29.910
Craig: honest with God honest with other people I took responsibility, I wasn’t lying anymore I wasn’t being an imposter anymore, I was uncovered now.

00:15:30.600 –> 00:15:44.640
Craig: Right, the the the mass I wore for years, I took it off, I reveal the true me and you’re talking to entrepreneurs and CEOs and other business people, you know how many masks they have to wear.

00:15:45.150 –> 00:15:45.690
Craig: You know I mean.

00:15:46.320 –> 00:15:54.780
Craig: yeah oh i’m not going to be follicle i’m not going to be vulnerable well listen to burn a Brown and all her podcast and Ted talks all she talks about his vulnerability.

00:15:55.170 –> 00:15:56.070
Craig: I had to be fresh.

00:15:56.280 –> 00:16:01.020
Craig: yeah I had to be transparent, I had to be vulnerable right.

00:16:01.260 –> 00:16:01.920
Craig: I didn’t see that.

00:16:01.980 –> 00:16:13.200
Steve Werner: Forward people are so scared that if they’re vulnerable or if they’re honest that Oh, my goodness, people might not like me, or they might see that i’m not as great and like they see all these people out there that do.

00:16:13.590 –> 00:16:21.060
Steve Werner: All the things and they want to be like that, so I want to go back and I want to talk, we talked about, you have to own it, you have to take responsibility.

00:16:21.270 –> 00:16:21.960
Steve Werner: Totally or.

00:16:22.260 –> 00:16:23.310
Craig: You can dabble in it.

00:16:23.820 –> 00:16:34.560
Steve Werner: Right, you have to say, this is, who I am, but I want to talk about the pain, specifically, so I don’t know who the first person was it shared this with me, but it makes a lot of sense if you have a scale that’s a zero to 10.

00:16:36.600 –> 00:16:48.030
Steve Werner: What happens is people are almost never at above an eight in the zero is like lots of pain and 10 is unbelievable happiness, most people are going to say that they’re at a six or seven maybe a five.

00:16:48.690 –> 00:16:56.370
Steve Werner: But the thing is that pain you either have to be an eight nine or 10 and fall down a little bit and be like what do I do to get back there.

00:16:57.000 –> 00:17:05.310
Steve Werner: Or you have to fall below about a three and being a lot of pain if you’re like a four you’re going to be uncomfortable you’re probably going to complain a lot.

00:17:05.640 –> 00:17:16.470
Steve Werner: But you’re not going to actually take action, because that quite painful enough if you’re like a six or seven you’re like 90% of Americans you’re kind of stuck in mediocrity of doesn’t suck but it’s not great.

00:17:16.770 –> 00:17:23.970
Steve Werner: I went to work today, I came home I eat some chicken, it was great okay next day rinse repeat right, and then you wake up and 20 years have gone by.

00:17:24.450 –> 00:17:26.250
Steve Werner: I think it’s better to go.

00:17:26.580 –> 00:17:36.000
Steve Werner: out and do something and take action, it might lead to a lot of pain, but then it’s going to lead to you, eventually, reaching the top, but do you agree with that what’s your I just laid out.

00:17:37.050 –> 00:17:50.250
Craig: totally agree with it absolutely yeah I mean change true true change does not happen unless it is driven by and and pain to be.

00:17:51.450 –> 00:18:02.970
Craig: wrapped in failure, you know pain can be wrapped in absolute deep guilt pain can be wrapped in and included with shane and.

00:18:03.600 –> 00:18:08.910
Craig: It it’s a it’s a well, you have a choice either going to I had a choice.

00:18:09.450 –> 00:18:17.520
Craig: i’m just going to medicate this pain and keep medicating to paint keep meditating pay hide the pain, the pain today and be a complete mess, the rest of my life.

00:18:17.910 –> 00:18:25.800
Craig: or i’m going to make or i’m going to get to the point and allow that pain to to be a catalyst for me to change my life forever.

00:18:26.220 –> 00:18:32.580
Craig: changed my business plan forever changed my marriage forever change these relationships forever.

00:18:32.940 –> 00:18:46.770
Craig: It can be a beautiful catalyst when it’s handled in a healthy way, but I totally get the pain thing it’s, it is a scale my barometer I use with the guide I use is you know if you’re paying.

00:18:47.640 –> 00:18:58.530
Craig: Is and here’s your fear and we all have fear everybody deals with fear and i’ve always told people in the ministry everything’s on that everything you’ve ever wanted is, on the other side of fear.

00:18:59.100 –> 00:19:16.200
Craig: So here’s fear, but that pain level it just keeps increasing increase and once it surpasses that fear and you’re talking about maybe we’re doing it backwards and it’s down to that one to level your man, what do I need to do to change.

00:19:16.560 –> 00:19:16.860
Craig: What.

00:19:17.070 –> 00:19:19.170
Steve Werner: Is out the window when you have to survive.

00:19:19.230 –> 00:19:24.810
Craig: Right no yes, no, it does oh it completely goes and you talk about.

00:19:25.350 –> 00:19:33.450
Craig: You mentioned embarrassment everybody’s embarrassed would be embarrassed to come out and say you know you didn’t think I was 28 years ago, how many years ago, say i’m a.

00:19:33.930 –> 00:19:43.830
Craig: total failure drunk you know cocaine guy you didn’t think there was shame associated with that or I was inhibited somewhat, because it is embarrassing not anymore.

00:19:44.610 –> 00:19:45.570
Craig: That goes way.

00:19:45.930 –> 00:19:47.820
Craig: And what people have to realize is that.

00:19:49.410 –> 00:20:02.970
Craig: Who cares what other people think if you need to get well get well if you need to change change who cares what other people think you know what I mean but go ahead.

00:20:03.180 –> 00:20:10.350
Steve Werner: Well, I mean nine times out of 10 we we have this thing in our head, this is saying that I tell people like we think other people are.

00:20:10.770 –> 00:20:15.570
Steve Werner: are doing things because of our actions or they’re going to respond or they’re going to react.

00:20:15.900 –> 00:20:22.140
Steve Werner: they’re so busy living their own life they might say something they might be like oh that Dudes crazy or I wonder what that is.

00:20:22.380 –> 00:20:33.750
Steve Werner: But who cares because you like the conversation that you’re having in your mind about what they’re saying about you, is 50 times worse than the conversation that they’re going to have if they even have a conversation.

00:20:33.930 –> 00:20:37.470
Steve Werner: Most people are just so busy doing their own thing yeah.

00:20:37.710 –> 00:20:39.480
Steve Werner: Like who cares but.

00:20:40.740 –> 00:20:46.770
Craig: yeah, but when you’re in the position as a business owner CEO leader right.

00:20:46.950 –> 00:20:48.330
Craig: yeah who had the most.

00:20:48.600 –> 00:20:49.230

00:20:50.460 –> 00:20:53.310
Craig: You know where you know where the easiest place to hide church.

00:20:54.360 –> 00:21:02.010
Craig: Oh everything’s great oh yeah absolutely it’s still worship take notes serve as coffee Oh, my goodness Steve.

00:21:02.700 –> 00:21:15.030
Craig: i’ve seen it for you know years people go to high instead of heel pastors hide behind their pulpits pastors either struggling and they want to hide I don’t want anybody to know you know dealing with this with that or.

00:21:15.240 –> 00:21:16.230
Craig: This issue or.

00:21:16.530 –> 00:21:18.240
Steve Werner: yeah people if they did, I mean.

00:21:19.470 –> 00:21:30.390
Steve Werner: One of the things that i’ve I don’t know my my dad and I talked about it was, like all the all the problems in the church around like cheating husband’s like adultery.

00:21:30.900 –> 00:21:31.290
Steve Werner: Right.

00:21:31.560 –> 00:21:35.310
Steve Werner: But the reason that I feel like that happens is because they can’t talk about it to anybody.

00:21:35.670 –> 00:21:52.380
Steve Werner: If they could talk about sex openly, like all hell would break loose pardon like I mean you know what I mean like they would be that’s what they think in their head they’re like how do I deal with this and then, but what what ends up happening is eventually it comes out somewhere right.

00:21:53.250 –> 00:22:04.140
Craig: You know yeah it will, the biggest the listen business owners leaders CEOs taught, you know we’re talking about high level.

00:22:04.890 –> 00:22:18.390
Craig: Including pastors that they’re lonely yeah they’re flat out loan because they don’t have anybody that they can really talk to and Steve that’s dangerous it’s real you’re setting yourself up.

00:22:18.960 –> 00:22:28.050
Craig: And you talk about imposters I mean that’s what that’s exactly what they are trying to put on this facade and what have you but deep down.

00:22:28.620 –> 00:22:34.650
Craig: You know they don’t have anybody where they could have deep meaningful conversations with or now that the healthy months do.

00:22:35.190 –> 00:22:48.600
Craig: They have good accountability at a sounding board people they can go to that are safe and they can trust, but that’s missing in so many different areas within business ministry, you know you name it.

00:22:49.140 –> 00:22:54.540
Steve Werner: So let’s just I want to, I want to kind of wrap this up, because I think there’s.

00:22:55.110 –> 00:23:03.780
Steve Werner: you’ve shared a lot of things with us when somebody comes to you and there they’ve been struggling with stuff for a while and what’s the first like one to.

00:23:04.170 –> 00:23:17.790
Steve Werner: step to just get them to open up a little bit maybe to be a little bit vulnerable and to actually start revealing who they really are and stop hiding in shame what’s the first step that you give somebody to help moving forward.

00:23:18.180 –> 00:23:20.220
Steve Werner: or something that listeners can do at home.

00:23:20.550 –> 00:23:25.710
Craig: yeah well, the first thing is, you know no one’s going to be able to force you to take that step, you.

00:23:27.180 –> 00:23:36.120
Craig: US you and I were we have to take that step, we have to be the was the biggest fear you have, though, is opening up to someone.

00:23:37.110 –> 00:23:47.580
Craig: That you have where you have a hard hard time trusting and you don’t you don’t know if they’re safe or not you don’t know if they’ll hold if they have a high regard for confidentiality.

00:23:48.390 –> 00:24:02.700
Craig: And once you find that you know and that’s what I tell folks I said enter in to that environment where you can find safe people trusted people to be able to share and share what’s going on in your life now what I.

00:24:03.780 –> 00:24:13.230
Craig: Over the last 22 years of ministry, where I you know interactive with people I just start asking questions I asked questions and I just want to listen.

00:24:14.220 –> 00:24:23.460
Craig: And that’s all they want people that are struggling all they want is someone to to listen and you have to find someone safe trusted that would just listen to you.

00:24:24.090 –> 00:24:29.820
Craig: And it’s should be in, and I can speak about Christ Center recovery that’s one of the.

00:24:30.210 –> 00:24:43.170
Craig: most beautiful places you could go safest places you pick up it’s not perfect, mind you, or a good church or good where they have ministries and support and other groups and offer counseling and pastoral care.

00:24:43.890 –> 00:25:02.760
Craig: that’s your first step is to be put yourself in an environment like that, where you have people around you that love you unconditionally aren’t there to judge you are not there to fix you and are not going to be there to condemn you they just want to help you why because they have.

00:25:03.960 –> 00:25:11.190
Craig: The people that are there to help you like myself we’ve been to the pit of hell and back, we understand and we’re there to listen to help.

00:25:11.610 –> 00:25:21.480
Craig: So taking that first step is is a mate it’s it’s a big one, because there’s so much fear and also you know embarrassment shame involved.

00:25:22.110 –> 00:25:28.110
Craig: But you’ve got to get over that I incur I implore your listeners those that may be struggling.

00:25:28.620 –> 00:25:36.480
Craig: find it the Christ centered environment and or recovery environment, you know, depending on your likes and what you’re comfortable with right.

00:25:36.900 –> 00:25:45.060
Craig: there’s a wonderful ministry called celebrate recovery it’s all over the country it’s all over the world it’s in every every most every state.

00:25:45.960 –> 00:25:52.740
Craig: And that’s a Christ centered recovery environment step foot in the door, takes a lot of courage ton of courage, but you need a network.

00:25:53.400 –> 00:26:10.830
Craig: You need a network you’ve tried it on your own your best thinking got you there and you’ve tried it to control it and it’s not working so find that network of individuals to help you hold you accountable be there for relationship and to listen and pray for you.

00:26:11.820 –> 00:26:18.840
Steve Werner: awesome I think that’s I mean, I do think that it would it would take an immense amount of courage, but I think what’s waiting on the other side of it.

00:26:19.200 –> 00:26:21.840
Steve Werner: Oh, having somebody I mean unconditional.

00:26:22.110 –> 00:26:35.880
Steve Werner: yeah kind of wrapping this back to the relationship, you had with your parents like unconditional love and acceptance and having somebody that you can share with and that isn’t expecting you to act, a certain way, for whatever you do gives you the ability.

00:26:36.900 –> 00:26:43.920
Steve Werner: to realize that, like you, don’t have to be perfect in the world, you don’t have to always have the answer you don’t have to mean for.

00:26:44.250 –> 00:26:50.490
Steve Werner: For CEOs for pastors for anybody that’s in a position of leadership we’re always counted on to have the answer right.

00:26:50.790 –> 00:27:02.790
Steve Werner: And to suddenly be able to say I don’t have the answer, or I don’t need to have the answer, or I just need to sit here and chat about something is huge, I have a side question to this because I think.

00:27:03.870 –> 00:27:11.220
Steve Werner: I think a lot of people look for this in their marriage in in whoever they’re dating whoever they’re with and.

00:27:12.600 –> 00:27:25.320
Steve Werner: They have a challenge, I know I know i’ve seen relationships go this way where it starts off everything is great right but it’s two imperfect people, leading to an imperfect relationship always So how do.

00:27:26.550 –> 00:27:32.580
Steve Werner: Do you have any tips for people who are in a relationship on how to strengthen that relationship, because this.

00:27:32.940 –> 00:27:47.160
Steve Werner: Honestly, that would be the number one place that they could get this right in their house just to have true open communication about something do you have any tips that you would give people in a relationship to strengthen their relationship.

00:27:48.240 –> 00:27:51.360
Craig: yeah if if I were in charge of marriage counseling.

00:27:52.560 –> 00:28:00.930
Craig: It would not be a nice three weeks, then meet with the pastor meet with this couple and then you’re good to go I they would not want to be in by.

00:28:07.590 –> 00:28:07.980
Steve Werner: You good.

00:28:09.180 –> 00:28:15.450
Craig: yeah I think I lost you there you go there you go somehow disappeared here I am.

00:28:15.900 –> 00:28:20.940
Craig: Nowhere they would not want me to handle their marriage counseling because it would be about six months.

00:28:21.900 –> 00:28:28.290
Craig: And I would ask some of the toughest questions that they would have ever been asked, because a.

00:28:28.800 –> 00:28:34.740
Craig: marriage is so awesome so awesome when both couples when but both individuals.

00:28:35.100 –> 00:28:46.410
Craig: are transparent vulnerable open, honest about their struggles about their past about their fears about you know their their their family life that they had.

00:28:46.800 –> 00:28:57.570
Craig: You have to be I implore people to be open and honest with each other what happens so often in marriages and why there’s that 50% divorce rate, even in churches.

00:28:58.980 –> 00:29:19.110
Craig: is just just that just that that to imposters right to people hide and there’s so, and so, but sometimes one spouse will know, the other ones, bringing in some addiction or bringing in some issues are bringing in you know this baggage with that baggage, or what have you and.

00:29:20.670 –> 00:29:30.090
Craig: You know, but they overlook it Oh, I could change Oh, I can I can fix him I can fix her you know never works never works.

00:29:30.240 –> 00:29:31.470
Craig: We can’t fix anybody.

00:29:31.830 –> 00:29:45.240
Craig: know you can’t fix people no absolutely not there’s only one and he’s far better equipped and we are, but it’s about being brutally honest with each other, I mean and again, you know it’s.

00:29:46.920 –> 00:29:54.870
Craig: And it’s you know that honesty that transparency that vulnerability and without embarrassment shame condemnation to be able to say.

00:29:55.410 –> 00:30:04.680
Craig: You know I i’m i’m struggling in this area, but I think it’s best I you know we work on this before, but people are you know they’re all so in love.

00:30:05.100 –> 00:30:23.550
Craig: Oh, my gosh the wedding dress tog refer all that gets lost, and then you know it’s so much different Steve walking down the aisle that it is walking up and walking down it’s if you haven’t dealt with it, yet you will deal with it at some point in time, if you’ve left it.

00:30:24.900 –> 00:30:25.650
Steve Werner: Oh, I think.

00:30:27.030 –> 00:30:35.640
Steve Werner: I mean, I want to point this out because I honesty in a relationship is paramount, you should definitely be honest, but that does not mean.

00:30:36.330 –> 00:30:52.050
Steve Werner: You you hurt me or i’m annoyed with you, or like it’s not about blaming the other person it’s about transparency and talking about and really being vulnerable, so instead of blaming somebody for saying and saying when you do X, I feel.

00:30:52.080 –> 00:31:04.380
Steve Werner: This way, because and having a real conversation around it that’s a lot different than because i’ve seen people say well i’m just being honest i’m just being honest that that that you pissed me off or that.

00:31:04.590 –> 00:31:07.170
Craig: No that doesn’t do it, yes, great that’s really good.

00:31:07.440 –> 00:31:24.240
Steve Werner: yeah nobody pisses you off, except for yourself but that’s a whole different topic so Craig I want to bring this around to the end, I know you have a book, if you have found this interview enlightening and you would like to learn more about it Craig tell us about your book a little bit.

00:31:26.460 –> 00:31:29.970
Craig: stop hiding start healing you can find that on Amazon.

00:31:31.080 –> 00:31:37.770
Craig: stop hiding start healing or my website stop biting start healing

00:31:39.210 –> 00:31:44.790
Craig: I was prompted this past June it’s been on the backburner kind of I didn’t know what title.

00:31:45.540 –> 00:31:57.000
Craig: I kind of knew what I may put in it, but it wasn’t until this past June, and I was prompted to start it and I did I just sat there and that never went to myself as a writer or an author.

00:31:57.870 –> 00:32:07.560
Craig: But you know, Lord had another idea, it just said at you it’s about time you share and I shared you know, not all my story, but some my story and stories of others too.

00:32:08.010 –> 00:32:17.970
Craig: But it’s just a book The step by step process of coming out of it and start healing you know why do we high you know what.

00:32:18.660 –> 00:32:28.740
Craig: How do we get rid of our character defects and shortcomings, you know find another family if that family that you grew up with wasn’t the best well, you can find another one.

00:32:29.400 –> 00:32:36.240
Craig: And they may not be biological but they’re going to be spiritual brothers and sisters they help you and be there for you, you know.

00:32:36.930 –> 00:32:45.930
Craig: create a new past it’s one of the chapters, you can create a new past if your old one was was absolutely horrible today, you can start a new one.

00:32:46.290 –> 00:32:56.100
Craig: And a year from now you’re going to look back and you have a brand new year of a new pass by dealing with deal it’s just it’s a book that’s a should be a.

00:32:56.580 –> 00:33:11.730
Craig: pray it’s a beacon of hope for someone and just a resource to help anybody and it’s not just you know diction it’s whatever’s keeping us from what God will be you know he has a mission and purpose for each and every one of us, and sometimes we lose it.

00:33:12.900 –> 00:33:20.520
Craig: side of it in the pain and the challenge that we’re in, and you can be an overcome or and you can be set free and that’s my prayer.

00:33:21.630 –> 00:33:28.410
Steve Werner: awesome oh Craig Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your message with us, I think that.

00:33:29.160 –> 00:33:37.800
Steve Werner: getting out of shame and getting pulling the mask off and actually being who you are it’s going to help you feel better as a person it’s going to help you.

00:33:38.670 –> 00:33:46.650
Steve Werner: If you’re in the world of business do more business connect with more people authentically but, at the end of the day, it’s just going to help you feel like a better person because.

00:33:47.220 –> 00:34:01.230
Steve Werner: You touched on this just for a second, but you were you were in a lot of shame 28 years ago when you were having this moment by your dad’s bedside but imagine if you had not taken a step forward, how much worse with the shame be.

00:34:01.770 –> 00:34:03.270
Craig: Today, absolutely.

00:34:03.540 –> 00:34:03.870
If you’re.

00:34:05.040 –> 00:34:06.390
Steve Werner: If you’re listening to this.

00:34:06.450 –> 00:34:10.140
Steve Werner: And you’re like well it’ll get better tomorrow or it’ll get better next week.

00:34:10.530 –> 00:34:18.210
Steve Werner: There are so many people who spend their entire lives i’m just looking at what what they wish, they could do, or what they wish, they could be.

00:34:18.840 –> 00:34:19.080
Craig: Right.

00:34:19.110 –> 00:34:21.000
Steve Werner: This is your wake up call, right here.

00:34:21.600 –> 00:34:34.530
Craig: in a big way we’re all we’re all society procrastinators like you said, all of a sudden 20 years go by and on the same why we don’t want that you, you have the opportunity, every second of every day.

00:34:35.580 –> 00:34:40.410
Craig: Every day to change to you know and to be set free you do.

00:34:41.850 –> 00:34:58.140
Steve Werner: awesome well Craig Thank you so much for coming on if you are listening to this podcast make sure you go check out his book on Amazon, it will also be linked down in the show notes for you, and until next time everyone take action change lives and make money we’ll see you soon.

00:35:01.260 –> 00:35:01.530
Steve Werner: we’re good.


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